I was recently asked: “Have you ever had your heart broken?” I was in a group and the vast majority said “yes”. I think the question was asked to show that we’re all human and we all have the same experiences, so for the few of us who said “no”, it was almost as if we were missing something. We were less human – we hadn’t lived enough, we hadn’t felt deeply enough.
Last night, in the final installment of the BBC adaptation of Tess of the D’Urbervilles, we watched a happy ending whisper its possibility and then disappear, as is fitting of such a solid Hardy tragedy. In one of the final scenes of the story, our main character – Tess – seems relieved to know that her short-lived joy is coming to an end, saying: “This happiness could not have lasted. It was too much”. We see this too-familiar perspective on happiness – that it’s temporary at best, dangerous at worst.
I wonder about how much we fear happiness, how we hide from it, get embarrassed about it. It’s as if great happiness puts us out there on a limb – exposed and unusual. We know what happens to tall poppies, swaying blissfully in the wind. Happiness can be isolating; it can provoke our primal fears of rejection and abandonment. Maybe we hold back from too much happiness because we don’t know what will happen out there, if we don’t conform to the cultural default of resigned mundanity, grumbles and misfortune. Unhappiness is safer, somehow – there’s less to lose. Perhaps it’s unbearable to experience too much happiness and risk it falling away?
The World Needs Your Passion, So…
I challenge you to a week of too much happiness. How happy do you dare get? Notice when you repress your joy, your bliss; notice when it feels safer to say you’re “okay” or “not bad” rather than “really really happy, thanks”. Notice also WHY it feels safer – what are you trying to avoid? Every time someone asks how you are, choose to express the happiest version of you – with authenticity. Create a new cultural default – and notice the reaction from your friends, family and colleagues.
(Added challenge for Facebook users: have a week of updating your status to express the happiest version of how you’re feeling and what you’re doing. See if you get any interesting comments!)