I know fear well. Symptoms: Sinking stomach, clammy palms, pounding heart, shaking all over. Sometimes it’s mild – ‘nerves’ let’s call it; other times it feels like sheer terror.
When I scan my life for experiences of this feeling, I can quickly find dozens: bungy jumping, telling my friend I had feelings for her, the first time I gave my The World Needs Your Passion talk, sky-diving, handing my notice in at my teaching job, singing a song I wrote in front of 300 people at a conference, our wedding day, hand-gliding.
It’s no coincidence that these are also some of the events I land on when I scan for the highlights, those experiences which have brought the most richness to my life.
Why no coincidence? Well, as Susan Jeffers outlines in her classic ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’, we are guaranteed to encounter fear every time we take a risk. It makes sense that moving out of our comfort zone won’t be comfortable. The critical point is that we take these actions because we want to have a more fulfilling experience of life – we want to say that we have truly lived – and so that feeling of fear is worth bearing. Jeffers’ point of view is that we need to accept that fear will always be there and decide to take it along for the ride.
Or we could not. No-one is forcing us to take risks or leave our comfort zone. BUT staying where we are is not the pain-free option. I’m sure you know as well as me that when we stay stuck, we experience that gnawing sense of a wasted life, the silent panic as time ticks by without achievement, that dread, the regrets, the hopelessness and the helplessness. I don’t want that feeling – nor do I want it for you.
Invariably with my clients, a motto emerges. “Get on with it”, “Just do it”, “Go for it”, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. These people are brave; they adopt their motto because they are committed to moving forward, knowing that encountering the fear is far preferable to living a half-awake life.
You’ve probably seen that there’s a workshop running on Sat 10th October called Kickstart Your Venture. This is a heart-felt plea for you to pause and honestly consider whether this would help YOU move away from a life of regrets. Do you have an idea for a project or business, a charity or community venture, that you’re not currently acting on? How does that feel – that gap between idea and reality? My guess is that it doesn’t feel good.
Now take a look at the Kickstart Your Venture workshop. Can you make the date? Can you afford £35? Now scan for fear; if it’s there, it’s a good sign! It indicates that this could actually be an opportunity for you to finally move forward. I want to clarify: It doesn’t matter how vague and higgledly piggledy your idea is. It doesn’t matter that you have no clue how you’d actually make it happen. That’s what the workshop will help you with. You just have to turn up, willing to talk about your idea, and willing to support the other participants as they share theirs.
Please don’t wait for the fear to dissipate. It won’t. As Susan Jeffers says: “We can’t escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures”.
The World Needs Your Passion, So…
1) Inquiry: Where do you find it easy to move forward, despite the fear? In which area(s) of your life have you taken risks so often that the fear has lessened and a previously daunting experience now feels normal and comfortable?
2) Inquiry: Where are you stuck because you haven’t been willing to experience the fear? What’s that like?
3) Action time! Based on your findings in 2) and encouraged by the evidence you uncovered in 1), commit to taking action TODAY that feels scary. You know that you will feel fear; take a deep breath and decide to do it anyway. And as you feel the fear, acknowledge yourself for how you are able to handle it. It may not feel pleasant but nor does it kill you. You can deal with it. How much freer does that feel, how much more is possible for your life?
4) Leave a comment below, letting us know what you experience when you feel the fear and do it anyway…
© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009
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Lovely article as always.
Biggest thing for my own development recently has been to keep a daily “fears and anxieties” journal.
I started this after a particularly low point at the end of last year, when it became no longer possible for me to deny that I was really worried sick about a few things.
I’ll blog on it myself at the end of the year, but I think it’s relevant here because actually being with my fears instead of my usual tactics of just blasting right through them or ignoring them has really helped me to act on the things that I really do want to do in the world.
.-= Nick Robinson´s last blog ..Abundance Conkers All =-.
Hi Corrina
Can’t help but wonder if this blog was written after I spoke to you earlier!
If so I’m glad I’ve inspired someone into something!
There is a great saying that goes:
Life is like a wild tiger.
You can either lie down and let it
Lay its paw on your head-
Or sit on its back and ride it.
So if this wasn’t you’re inspiration then just to let you know that I’m going to climb on board, buckle up, hold on tight for dear life and ride the wild tiger. And you’ll hear me screaming giddup and yeeeehaa along the way!
Keep up the good work
R x
Corrina,
I love the article about fear. I notice when I am in fear there is no room for anything else. I can’t think past it and my space is very small. When I look at the reality of my fear and not run or hide from it then I get past it and know that I can handle it not it handle me in the future.
Another tool that has been helpful for me is asking the question when I am in fear is this truth or fiction?? The true answer ALWAYS comes to me.
Thank you Corrina for your amazing wisdom.
Terry
Fear is such an old friend of mine- we hang out together most days. I’m so grateful that I’ve gotten to know fear, appreciate him, and let him in when he’s around. He’s so much less trouble than when I leave him outside in the rain, pounding on the door all day and night.
Instead, I can give him a blankie, a hot cuppa, and anything else he’s needing. Then he tends to go right to sleep, and I can get some things done around here.
I bet it’s a great class you give, dear heart.
.-= Mark Silver´s last blog ..Another Way to Fill a Class =-.
Saw you were planning to write on this just as I was planning a similar article…
This has applied a few times recently.
*Abseiling for a day, despite fear of heights – a decision to not let the fear rule me. I took a baby step at a time backwards until I was over the edge (good metaphor for life if you change it to ‘forwards’!) The fear has lessened.
*Led communion at church, wanted to make a good job of it so fearful – it is important to me so I won’t let fear get in the way of doing it again.
*Oral coaching exam this week – decided to concentrate on the person I was coaching rather than my fear.
I expect fear when I leave my comfort zone. It’s then my choice whether or not I allow it to stop me.
Rosalyn
.-= Rosalyn´s last blog ..Developing women leaders =-.
Golly, such wise people comment on this blog. THANK YOU.
@Nick – Thank you, thank you – it is so refreshing to witness a successful dude like yourself sharing what it was like to be worried sick, and to hear what changes when you actually give your fears some space. Please do let us know when you blog about it – I LOVE your recent post about the spontaneous conker street party!
@Rachel – Ah, who knows where the inspiration comes from (and yes, you were in the mix). I do think there’s a place for lying down with the tiger, as Nick describes, but I am smiling as I picture you going off on your great adventure; knowing you as I do, there’ll be yeeehaaaing all the way.
@Terry – Yes, fear can certainly block our view. You have quite a magical way with fear – I’ve witnessed you laugh at it, take a deep breath and blast through into definite out-of-comfort-zone steps. Congratulations for that.
@Mark – Thank you – I love leading workshops and am continually inspired by the group dynamic that arises. I had a lovely chuckle at your description; how much less struggle when we befriend, huh?
@Rosalyn – I first read that you took a baby abseiling!? You can imagine I thought that was taking a risk too far
Powerful metaphor there – and I’m wondering: is it easier stepping backwards or forwards??
.-= Corrina´s last blog ..Feel The Fear =-.