Everyone has a weak spot. Mine? Things breaking.

When a piece of equipment fails or some software doesn’t work properly, a button of mine gets pressed. Some old pattern of not feeling safe in the world gets triggered and I utterly freak out. I have tears, I punch pillows, I tell the world how much I hate it and that I don’t want to have anything to do with it if it’s all going to be so unreliable.

It’s irrational, it’s out of character and I’m almost reluctant to share it – but I’m doing so because I know that we all have our own triggers. One close friend has dyscalculia; figuring out train times, dates and logistics sends her in to a cold sweat. Some of us dread the dentist, others find it hard to be around food; some shake at the thought of speaking in public, others throw wobblies when choosing what to wear; some of us become different versions of ourselves around authority figures and others of us can’t bear criticism and failure.

When our buttons get pressed, here are some options….

#1 Avoid
Ever notice that desire to evacuate… from yourself? When something breaks, I can go into “I cannot deal with this” mode and shut down or disengage in order to protect myself. Others of us – to use the examples above – will avoid meal times, giving talks or travelling.

#2 Delegate
This option is expected in most organisations and it’s important to remember that finding our own path doesn’t mean we have to do everything ourselves. There are certain emails or pieces of paperwork which I simply forward to my web developer or my accountant. Conversely, I’m happy doing activities which others feel less comfortable with, like giving talks or sitting with with
someone who’s crying in total despair. What are we comfortable with that others aren’t? This can be a great clue, revealing to us our niche a.k.a. where we’re most needed.

#3 Turn The Light On
This option is about recognising that often the monster under the bed is scary only because it’s the unknown. I can avoid and delegate all I like but sometimes I’m going to be home alone when a circuit blows and I need to know what to do with that fuse box. It takes a deep breath and a swallow of pride. I need to allow myself to be incompetent and vulnerable and say: “I find this hard. Help me learn” if I am committed to moving forward in an empowered way.

The World Needs Your passion, so…

1) Without judging, scan your life to see: What are your buttons? What triggers your fear, your discomfort, your desire to run and hide? What overwhelms you so much that you short-circuit? What could someone say or do that would spin you off track for the whole rest of the day? What brings you out in a cold sweat? Take a deep breath and just look.

2) Assess how you currently deal with these situations by reading back over the three options I highlight. Do you avoid or reactively delegate? What would be your version of getting up close and personal with that fuse box?

3) Leave a comment, letting us know how you deal with your trigger points….

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Does failure trigger you? **

When you fail at something, do you come up against a default mantra like “I’m no good” or “I should give up”? Or do you attempt to avoid the experience in the first place by sticking with seemingly ‘safe’ paths?

It’s important that we ‘catch’ this mantra, examine it and then ask ourselves: Is this what I choose?

If your current mantra on failing isn’t working for you, grab a place on a Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word workshop (see Workshops section of this website).