I used to believe I wasn’t competitive. Growing up, my three siblings would race to play Monopoly; I would groan and drag myself over to join them. I dropped out of swimming lessons as a child because I hated how geared they were towards racing, and I dreaded Sports Day. So I was overjoyed to find, through my involvement with the sustainability movement, that there was support for this position. I would often encounter polarised, black and white lists which laid out: old paradigm = competition, new paradigm = co-operation. I felt such relief to be on the side where competition was no longer relevant.
And then I won the Ooffoo Laureate 2008 award. Throughout the process – entering, promoting the competition, waiting to hear – I’ve found myself having to think anew about how I feel about competition. How could I square my lifelong disdain of competition with how delighted I was to be involved, and then to have won?
I wondered this aloud and my partner, a teacher, gave me an alternative perspective whereby co-operation and competition happily co-exist. Her students enter a nationwide competition, submitting creative work which represents their personal response to a philosophical question. The project spans a number of weeks, during which time the students support and bounce ideas off each other in order to improve their work. Even though their work ultimately will be judged against each other, they don’t seem to feel any need to hoard or conceal their ideas.
In this example, I see the true spirit of competition. I see how crucial the set up of the task is – how my partner emphasises the process, not the winning; how the experience is presented not as a cut-throat venture with just one prize to aim for, but rather one that they can share and enjoy with their classmates. I also see a pervasive trust in the uniqueness of each individual and their ideas. It reminds me of a jigsaw. When we seek to put pieces in position, we’re not assessing which ones are ‘better’ than others, we’re simply noticing the right fit for the right gap.
I’ve been wondering: did I make up this story that I hated competition…. because I was a bad loser? My siblings always beat me at Monopoly, my short-sight meant I couldn’t see where I was going in the swimming races, and I was a slow runner. Had I shied away from competition because I hadn’t always succeeded?
We need to investigate the stories we tell ourselves about what losing, failure and rejection mean. As we compete for jobs, contracts, prizes or places on training courses, there will be those instances where we fit… and those where we do not. Our role, then, is to put ourselves out there, to play the game. By doing so, we’re not asking: “Am I worthy? Am I a good person? Am I valid and allowed to be on this Earth?” We’re simply stating: “I’m here. Am I needed for this?” Competition can be uplifting and part of what moves us forward IF losing is just as valid and bearable an outcome as winning. As long as we ensure that losing won’t destroy us, I’m coming to believe that competition has its place.
The World Needs Your Passion, so…
1) Inquiry: How healthy is your relationship with competition? What story do you tell yourself when you win, and what story do you tell yourself when you lose?
2) Action: Scan your To Do list for those actions which always seem to get put aside. Would they involve competing in some way? If they do and you notice that your perspective on losing, failing or rejection is what’s keeping you stuck, take action to get a new perspective on these possibilities [see below for my upcoming workshop].
3) Comment on this post, letting us know how you perceive competition and how that perspective helps or hinders you. Also, what doYOU think about the place of competition in a sustainable society?
© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009
** Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word **
Are you a bad loser? Do you hold back because the idea of failure is horrific? If seeing life in terms of success or failure is stopping you from playing the game and claiming your place, join us for a Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop. Click here for next dates and locations and to book your place.