It’s not often I criticise but for the sake of doing things differently, I want to share an experience which shook me this weekend.
I went to a talk by a highly articulate, charming and entertaining speaker. The topic was exactly my field of interest, his words were beautiful and I made copious notes. His core message made sense to me… and yet I also felt a nagging unease. It later became apparent that his governing agenda was to sign people up to become members of his global networking ‘nation’ which would cost a few thousand pounds. I happily pay to be affiliated with wonderful organisations so this wasn’t the problem. No – here’s what bothered me….
The more he talked, the smaller I felt. His promise was that if I joined his organisation, I would feel big, important and connected. If I joined his team, I’d be ‘in’, if I didn’t, I was ‘out’. His talk was about a more equitable world and yet when I looked for evidence of him walking the talk, I couldn’t find it. His air miles, his choice of breakfast provision and large corporate hotel venue did not reflect the sustainable future to which he was referring. I tried to ask a question during his presentation, but I was ignored amid all the cheering, whooping, “Yes!” shouting and raised hands he was encouraging. I went over to speak one-to-one with him twice. He was like plastic. He wouldn’t hold my eye contact and seemed entirely uninterested by me and my desire to connect. He didn’t hear my acknowledgement and he batted away my questions.
I actually cried when I’d got far enough away from the venue to take a breath. I realised the feeling I had was of being violated – taken away from my own truth and whipped up into a ‘bigger, faster, better’ frenzy, so far from the message he ostensibly was conveying. Beautifully juxtaposed was what happened next. I hopped on a bus and asked the driver whether he went to Angel tube station; he looked at me with a smile and said, “YOU’RE an angel”. I glowed for the next half hour. That’s my compass – how I feel when one-to-one with a person and how I’m left feeling afterwards. A true leader is one where you come away feeling inspired to find YOUR way, YOUR possibilities. Where you feel big enough to lead, not scared enough to follow.
I’ve had my beloved grandmother staying with me the last few days and I am always fascinated by her tales of growing up as a Jewish girl under Nazi oppression. Perhaps I get so passionate about this topic because I still cannot understand the herd mentality which allowed such atrocities to take place. In a time of fear and uncertainty, charismatic leaders undoubtedly emerge, promising us wealth, safety and freedom – IF we go their way. We must keep thinking for ourselves. Healthy criticism and discernment are imperative. When a new idea comes our way, let us chew it. See how it tastes, see how we feel. Only then, let’s decide if we want to swallow.
[And please chew, taste and feel THAT suggestion before even thinking about swallowing.....]
The World Needs Your Passion, so…
1) Inquiry: What is everyone jumping on board about… but something in you tells you otherwise? What would you have to do if you let yourself trust those instincts?
2) Action: Next time you hear a broadcast, read an article or blog post (yes, including mine!), engage head and heart fully and feel whether this is true for you. How do you know? How do you use your body, your instincts and your rational brain to decide? How do you ensure fear isn’t speaking, or your Saboteur? What’s your compass? Challenge: Be bold enough to say when you don’t feel aligned with someone’s message. Speak out in a crowd if no-one is questioning the status quo. Dare to do things differently, for the sake of freedom of thought.
3) Leave a comment here, letting us know your take on thinking for yourself. Refreshing? Challenging? Have you needed to be brave, put your neck on the line, stand out from the crowd or lose friends? Have you gained new respect, realised others thought the same, or felt more fulfilled because you were living your truth? Let us know….
Ooh – and do look closely at the picture. Herd mentality…..? 
(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009
Brilliant, as usual,and timely. Thank you for sending me this link..
I find it fascinating that we all (or maybe that should be I) look for ‘that’ teacher to inspire us.. And very often the answer lies inside us… Won’t stope me from looking tho, and I do agree with this amazing sentence “A true leader is one where you come away feeling inspired to find YOUR way, YOUR possibilities. Where you feel big enough to lead, not scared enough to follow”.
Fabx
@Charlie – Glad you like
Yes, I do believe the true teachers are those who help us find our own answers.
I’m going to paste in the other comments left when this post was first published as part of my Doing Things Differently blog:
Beloved108 said:
Sounds like you got fire in your boots and heart, and I want to hear more. We’ve had green wash, and now we’re getting sustainability wash, and we need more than ever for people who aren’t walking their talk to be held accountable. I hope this isn’t the last blog you criticise, because it seems to me it’s actually discernment you are pointing to here.
Denise said:
Very interesting perspective.
I was at the same seminar, and I felt the same unease.
I used to be involved in a lot of MLM and other slightly “dodgy” personal development seminars, so I just thought it was just a hangover from that.
My perspective is that all the people involved the network come from that background, and are trying to do good things, but this background gets in the way. I met some great people there though!
Yesterday I spoke to someone to get advice for my new business. She said that absolutely everything has to come from a place of integrity, honesty and for the greatest possible good for me to succeed, otherwise it will crumble – like any other business operating now that is inauthentic.
Coach Rita said:
Awesome piece, Corrina! It really resonates as Truth. I appreciate that you shared your story and how beautifully you articulated the full range of your experience. So much to be learned when we are fully present to what is going on in our body and emotions!
Anon said:
Corrina, Sounds like you met a classic Narcissist – he fits the profile well and truly. Narcissists are the ‘new black’ and you may like to check out Dr Judith Orloff’s recent publication, “Emotional Freedom” and her website. No affiliations here, not ‘selling’ anything. Just a fellow worker in the field of healing and personal development/growth pointing you to a piece of information that you can either spit out or swallow.
Sara M said:
I am reminded of what some one said to me a long time ago; that we can let ourselves be affected by what other people say to us in a sometimes quite extreme way without questioning their motives. It seems that you learnt a lot from the seminar, even if it wasn’t what the speaker planned for you to learn! Continue going your own way and helping to inspire others. I would much rather connect with like minded souls such as yourself than egos who believe their own PR. Yet another instance where yoga and life coaching (my two ‘things’) cross over.
Kind regards, Sara M
Nick Robinson said:
You have made something real and touching and inspirational from what might have been an unfortunate experience, so that’s testament to how big a person you are.
My whole life I’ve naturally wanted to zig when everybody else was zagging and even though I might sometimes like the idea I’ve never gone to that kind of event – so many people all agreeing with one person without any challenge or questioning just seems wrong to me.
Sometimes I guess it might serve me and have me more connected to actually meekly “follow” a bit more than I do, rather than challenging and questioning so much. When I’m at my best I can check in with my higher purpose about how aligned I’m feeling with what is going on – and can sometimes tell from there if it’s a time to jump on board or to jump right outta there. And if I have to make others wrong for me to feel right, that’s sometimes a useful sign that I might not have connected properly with that higher purpose.
And just so I acknowledge it, there is a really big part of me that would like to know what the seminar was?!
Coach JulieB said:
You have spoken to my heart. I listened to an internet program yesterday that spoke about our greatest natural resource being the gray matter between our ears! We need to put our energy into being green AND into cultivating our thinking. In addition, we need to be in touch with our authentic selves so we are not scammed by the “advisors” who have driven us to new lows. I’m paying more attention to my intuition than ever before. It’s the closest to a no-fail compass I’ll ever have
@Beloved108 – Thank you so much and yes, ‘sustainability wash’ is a great way of putting it. My whole body responds to truly sustainable ventures, whether in the arena of food, venues, housing, events or ethical consumer products. It makes them all the more refreshing, like an oasis you find and go “Ahhhhhh!”
@Denise – I love what your business advisor said about only the authentic remaining, the rest crumbling. We are certainly seeing that around us, like the veil is being lifted.
@CoachRita – Thank you
Yes our bodies have so much wisdom for us. Where do you sense your intuition?
@Sara M – I’d love to hear more about the yoga/coaching alignment…
@Nick – I decided not to ‘name and shame’ simply because it’s not personal but nice confession and happy zigging – it seems to be working pretty well for you
@CoachJulieB – I’d love to hear how you access your intuition. How do you know what is authentic or not? (I love your point about it being a no-fail compass)
CoachRita said:
Hi Corrina,
What a great question. In answering, I recognized (again)what a great gift our intuition is!
I sense my intuition in a number of ways. Sometimes it’s like a ‘knowing’ without question. Or I might feel it in the core of my being. Or I may get a strong physical ‘gut’ feeling. It may be shivers around my shoulders and down my arms. Or I may feel warmth and something like an opening in the third eye/sixth chakra area. There’s always a sense of vibrational resonance. Recently it seems like I’m having flashes of premonition just moments before something occurs. Also, it can be experiencied as anxiety, or another emotion, related to something in my environment (like I’m energetically picking up on something not visible).
And I’m curious…how do you sense yours?
@CoachRita – I have a ‘gut feeling’ instinct when something feels ‘off’ or inauthentic, as I describe in this post. I maybe get a little panicky or thrown off centre or dis-ease with a desire to run! I also get this pounding heart which says “Say something! Do something!”
I think of my intuition as something else, funnily enough, something more ethereal. Like when I’m coaching and words or images come through. I access that kind of intuition through my head, kind of pulling it in from the space above, or it just appears in my head or as a feeling in my heart.