I invited a lot of people to my birthday party. About a week before the event, I received a flurry of messages: “I can’t make it after all”, “There’s a clash”. A quiet, scared voice started tugging at me: “But… what if no-one turns up??”
If you’ve ever thrown a party, organized a work do or put on an event, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to identify with that feeling of growing panic. 
No matter how organized you are, how far in advance you make preparations or how brilliant the event will be, ultimately who turns up is out of your control. Even if your event is fully booked, things happen: People get sick, snow falls, cars break down, other priorities show up.
Of course it’s inconvenient. It might involve a financial loss. But why does it hurt SO much?
Here’s a little illustration…
At age 13, I was stood up. I’d been asked on a date and made my way to the cinema, full of nerves and excitement. I waited… and I waited. Time passed. In these days before mobile phones, all I could do was wait outside the cinema, watching everyone else going in, with the growing realisation that my date wasn’t turning up. I cried the whole way home, burning up with the shame and embarrassment of rejection.
Teen self-esteem can be tender and vulnerable, often built on others’ approval. People show up = we’re approved of, we’re okay. People don’t show up = we’re not. Although as adults, we may have dismantled this equation and grown in confidence, putting on an event can trigger that teenage pain.
So what do we do? Should we avoid putting on events?
Here are three tips:
1) Set yourself up for success
There are certain practices which stack the odds in favour of your event being a success. I put the word out about my birthday party a long time in advance and then didn’t really mention it until the week before. In my experience, there’s an optimal time frame between too lengthy notice and too short notice. Experiment and find what works for the people you want to invite: How far in advance do they put events in their diaries?
You’ll see below that I’m promoting a workshop and I’m using a three-tier pricing structure which encourages early registration. I know that people want to come to these workshops so my aim is to make it as easy as possible for them to commit – and ‘putting your money where your mouth is’ makes for a stronger commitment. For me, if I’ve paid for something I’ll go, whereas with a pay-on-the-door event I may opt out at the last minute – even though it would be more beneficial to attend the event. Can you identify with that for yourself? What pricing or promotion strategy could you adopt that would support your invitees in committing to themselves?
2) Know that you might fail
Despite your best efforts, the people you want to attend might simply not turn up. Be present to your emotions around this – perhaps you’ll feel grief, anger or despair. Know that these feelings probably aren’t just about how this particular event is turning out; they have unearthed some old wounds that are now available to you for healing.
3) Take a new perspective on ‘failure’
How do you know what is a failure and what is a blessing in disguise? Choose to adopt a perspective of trust where you believe that whoever shows up is who is meant to show up and that you cannot know the bigger picture. It turned out that 50 beautiful people showed up to my party which felt just right; we enjoyed a wonderful evening of dancing, laughter, good food and great company. When has an event not gone to plan – and that turned out to be even better than you intended?
The World Needs Your Passion, So…
1) What event would you like to put on? Would others benefit? Use these three tips and commit to making it happen.
2) Leave a comment on this blog post and let us know: What events have you put off, for fear of no-one showing up? How do/could you set your events up for success? How do you manage fears of failure as they arise? What unforeseen pleasant surprises can you inspire us with?
Are You Fearful No-One Will Turn Up?
Do you have an idea for a great event… but haven’t told anyone else about it?
Have you designed a fabulous workshop… but haven’t booked a venue or date yet?
If fear of failure is blocking you, find out more about this workshop taking place in Devon this summer:
Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word - click here > > – and if it sounds like just what you need, do make the most of the Super Early Bird rate.
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Thank you as ever for this Corrina, wise and comforting words!
Having run events from 1 person to 100 plus – I am so familiar with the small child who gets that who is coming to my party feeling every time I do it!
And its important to acknowledge that in this world where we are constantly encouraged to measure ourselves by numbers – our waist line, our bank balance, our popularity – that we have to acknowledge the part of us that judges a small turn out as a flop.
But size is certainly not everything and the inherent quality of an experience is not actually quantifiable by numbers. I have had some exquisite experiences with just a very few people and some quite wierd ones with large groups and vice versa. And what I have learnt is that it is not the number of people – it is the energy of the experience – which is something I am partly responsible for creating within myself. If I can hold my nervousness and excitement (two sides of the same coin) and allow them to be present, if I can let the inner commentary run and trust I will be able to jump beyond that into a meditative experience of connecting with whatever the moment brings… then I am empowered .. whether its just me in an empty hall singing to myself or 10,000 people cheering me on!
What I am learning though is that it is important to set up support for myself with events – eg by preparing and setting a strong intent for my energy towards it – and by inviting at least one trusted friend there each time so that even if no one else comes, you can hang out and have fun
And having a coach and friends who are coaches is also an amazing form of support so I highly recommend Corrina – and her parties for that matter – she is an infinitely perceptive, inspirational lady to have around!
Katie – Ah you are so beautiful. Thank you for the generous acknowledgement and thank you for your comment. I love what you say about numbers; I remember reading one of those illustrative stories which described a society which had no concept of numbers. How different the process of assessment would be! Your point is powerful about being co-responsible for creating the energy of an experience. If we think “Huh, only five people turn up, this is rubbish”, we’re negating the value of each of those five people in the room. I like your back-up plan of having a trust friend with you and choosing to turn the experience into one that you both can enjoy, at the very least! You are one of those brave souls who continually puts yourself out there, offering, offering, and trusting that who turns up will benefit. I’ve always admired that about you and I have certainly benefited from being able to participate in those events. Thank you.
.-= Corrina´s last blog ..3 Tips For Alleviating “No-One Wants To Come To My Party” Pain =-.
This is really helpful to read. I have been putting off running a series of workshops on different subjects ranging from stopping smoking, weight loss, depression and anxiety and stress. I keep procrastinating on it worrying that I won’t get the numbers. The last one I was due to run in Jan 2010 – only had 2 people so had to cancel. When I think about it, why should I let this put me off!! I could have run 5 workshops since then. I forget that Jan was all about snow and people were hiding away in their homes!
My partner came up with a great idea and that was to run it from home. Its perfectly set up to run it here and so if no one turns up, no money lost. I can set a number of 8-10 which is achievable and use your idea of 3 tier system. How many weeks in advance would you suggest promoting it? In the past, I allowed 4 weeks – eek!
Sarah – Thanks so much for your comment; I know lots of people will identify with your experiences.
FABULOUS that your home is an option. One support mechanism, like Katie says, is that you have ‘filler’ people (!) on hand – so if you have two people booked, two of your friends might like to come along and make it a workable event so you don’t have to cancel.
I think a lead-in time of 6 weeks would be your minimum – ideally more like 8-12 weeks. You want your ideal participants to hear about it a number of times, so they move from “Huh that sounds interesting” to “Hmm I must find out more about that” to “There’s that workshop again – what are the details?” to “OK – there’s that workshop happening – can I afford it and am I free?” to “Yep, I want to go ahead and book” – plus all the stages in between
You might like this blog post about procrastination:
http://youinspireme.co.uk/2010/how-to-overcome-procrastination/
Do keep us informed!
Corrina´s last [type] ..Are You Battle Weary? How To Move From War To Peace
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Cheers
Anastasia – Welcome here! I use WordPress which is free software and you would then pay for hosting. There are free templates you can use or you could do as I did and get a web developer to customize one, or you could buy a paid-for template. The best resource in terms of how to get started with a website is Laura Roeder – here’s a link: https://roeder.infusionsoft.com/go/zerositesp/CorrinaG/ Enjoy the journey!