So much in life can feel like a battle. Traffic, humidity, computer failure; arguments, deadlines and illness. We supposedly live in a fast-paced competitive age where we have to fight to keep up, fight against time and only the ruthless will survive. We’re besieged with internal fears and doubts and it can feel like there are minefields everywhere: Will I say the wrong thing? Will I forget my tickets? Will he shout at me again?
Both within us and outside us, it can feel like a war zone of noise and struggle and fear.
If this is ringing all too familiar a bell, take a deep breath. I mean: a really deep breath. Pause here and breathe in. Hold it. And now out. In again – really deeply… and now out – and feel yourself letting go, even if just a little. Make a noise as you exhale. As you keep breathing, allow yourself to notice what’s actually happening in your body. How are your shoulders? How’s your neck? How’s your stomach? Be present to the pace you’re moving at, be present to the piles of paper around you, to the anxiety about an argument that’s brewing, a disaster waiting to happen around the corner. Just notice all the symptoms of your own personal battle field, just notice it all – and keep breathing.
Now: What can move you out of the war zone and into a place of peace and safety? I actually found myself in battle mode with the first drafts of this blog post and found that these strategies helped (the first two you’ve experienced if you followed along above):
1) Deep breaths. So often we hold our breath or breathe shallowly as a result of feeling stressed or put upon, which leads to a vicious cycle of stress and anxiety. Place your attention on your breathing and notice how the impact ripples out.
2) Cultivating the Observer. Our war zone places can feel like being caught up in an a computer game – they’re all-engrossing and addictive. As we develop the capacity to notice and witness, we can calmly stand back, detached from the drama and the frenzy.
3) Disconnect from technology. Click ‘shut down’, if only briefly, and find a more human pace, maybe by going into nature, writing by hand rather than online, or phoning rather than texting.
4) Meditate or pray. Take time out, *especially* when it feels that you don’t have time for it. Sink into a deeper truth, an all-encompassing sense of safety. If you’re in turmoil, ask for guidance – and listen for the answer. Here’s a beautiful quote from Einstein: ‘When the solution is simple, God is answering’.
5) Connect with others from the heart. When we’re in battle mode, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing others as objects who are either in our way or who we can use to get something from. As you use these other strategies to recover a sense of peace for yourself, look at your relationships with fresh eyes. What are others around you struggling with? In what ways are they battle-weary? With your own heart more at peace, feel the love and compassion that it’s wanting to express and enact.
The World Needs Your Passion, So…
1) Every so often, ask yourself the question: “Right now, am I at war… or am I at peace?” When you’re feeling in battle mode, follow these five strategies. Notice what’s most effective at shifting you from war to peace.
2) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know: When do you find yourself at war? What kind of weapons do you start to stockpile? (e.g. Do you stop co-operating? Do you list evidence of others’ wrongs?) How do you make enemies and allies of the people around you? How do you see the world when you feel you’re at war? And then – what’s different when you make your way back to peace?
Who Are You At War With?
If you’re like many of us, you find yourself in conflict with certain people. Perhaps it’s with your boss, your partner, a friend, a colleague, your child or your parent. Perhaps you have huge flaring rows, or perhaps you both simmer in silence – either way, essentially it feels as if you are at war with this person.
Help is at hand… With 1-1 coaching, we take a whole life approach. So even though our focus may be ‘I want to find what I’m passionate about’ or ‘I want to turn my passion into a profitable business’, the chances are that relationships will crop up as an area where you feel stuck or frustrated – and by addressing these challenges, you can unblock your path forward.
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Corrina, honey, I live in a slow-paced Bulgarian village with donkeys, chickens and sheep, rat-race-free. Some would call it a country idyll. But, today, I called it something very rude instead. I identified with everything in your article. After reading it I laughed, held my breath, then breathed properly, looked into my heart and…felt better because I knew there are so many of us sharing this moment. It just goes to show, ANYTHING can cause battle tension, ANYWHERE.
OK, then I went over my immediate misdemeanours; giving the finger to the one car I saw (speeding), screaming at my 5 year old to hurry up so mummy could get back home and sort our garlic situation (don’t ask – humidity, rain and half a hectare of organic garlic is not a walk in the park, I am discovering especially when your barn is falling down), err…wishing my spouse was on Pluto, feeling murderous and wishing for an alternate reality, and some I can’t bring myself to share.
I observed the following this afternoon though:
1) My daughters took themselves into a small tent in the garden and screamed at the top of their voices, quite literally, for 20 mins, Otherwise occupied, I didn’t intervene, rather thought f**k it, let them. In fact, I wished I could have joined them as it seems to have let off steam. Number one insight: children usually know what to do.
2) On meeting an angry and argumentative dog we smiled and waved at it for a change even though I was in battle mode. Insight two: surprising myself and my assailant by being ludicrously nice and smiley felt wonderful and hilarious. Ridicule can be sublime in battle situations.
3) On facing negativity and finger pointing from my spouse I tried to resist the bait, and instead tried to empathise and remain positive even though I wanted to sock him and shout. This was very difficult for me as I am so defensive/evasive normally. At the time I actually had a guest, who albeit unable to understand what we were saying, was enough of a moderating influence for me to think twice about what I was going to say. Insight three: perhaps a real or imagined audience will help me measure my responses in these situations.
4) Putting on music that I have mind-mapped to intense feelings of pride, accomplishment and peace ALWAYS helps. In my case, I used to teach a Les Mills bodybalance class so some specific tracks that I can use to recreate a restful, energised, proud or relaxed state do help me get there. Like you say, taking time out to do this when you least have time is so very important. Insight four: Today, I should have gone in and put on this loud music through the windows for the girls and I to dance to and giggle.
Today was one of those ‘drowning days’ when I felt all the things I need to do or could be doing swooshing over my head. But hey, for dinner we ate all veges from the garden, and the girls had a bath for the first time this week, so things are looking up. Thanks for inspiring me and keeping me sane – ever so important when you are somewhat isolated like moi!
You reminded me how easy it is to forget to breath deeply.
Ah..
Thank you for helping me remember. Sometimes that’s all I really need.
Peace
Judy
Judy Murdoch´s last [type] ..How Any Business Including Yours Can Make Money with Information Products
Corrina – you really do make alot of sense!
Thanks for helping us to re-direct and re-group…finding ways to tune into what really matters in the moment is so vital…and far too often forgotten.
You are a lifter of spirits…thank you!
Oh Jo – bless you for sharing! Yes our hearts can be at war anywhere – even in the most idyllic of places. Thank you thank you for your heart-warming story and also those insights. Do you have a blog of your own? You should!
Judy – Here’s to there being some kind of public service tannoy announcements at regular intervals throughout the day: “Breathe. Breaaathhe. Breeeeaaaathe.” Ahh – in the meantime we can remind each other
Anon – My pleasure. Thanks for showing up here.
Corrina´s last [type] ..Are You Battle Weary How To Move From War To Peace
Peace sometimes comes from being at peace with conflict. I have learnt that peace is not just a blissful place to hang out but an active commitment to accept and be with everything. That means accepting that conflict is part of life, that it has its role to play. Positive conflict enables us to cleanse and become clearer about what we want – to be able to say we agree to disagree… to learn to respect and understand our differences as well as our similarities. No two people are made alike, no two blades of grass. For them to become distinct there was a severing, a separation – you could say a primal conflict – and yet that does not detract that the two blades of glass, the two people are still side by side growing in the same soil. Its one of life’s bittersweet paradoxes that we are all really in it together whilst having completely unique individuated experiences. And sometimes conflict is the means by which we find out who we are. Once we are clear about that then we can respect the difference in each other and thus understand each other.
Katie – Thank goodness you teach this stuff! Man, you’re wise
Corrina´s last [type] ..Are You Battle Weary How To Move From War To Peace
Dear Corrina
Thank you. Great piece.
Like Judy M above I also found it so helpful just being reminded to breathe. But the way you did it – that paragraph – was beautiful – and really worked for me: this one:
“If this is ringing all too familiar a bell, take a deep breath. I mean: a really deep breath. Pause here and breathe in. Hold it. And now out. In again – really deeply… and now out – and feel yourself letting go, even if just a little. Make a noise as you exhale. As you keep breathing, allow yourself to notice what’s actually happening in your body. How are your shoulders? How’s your neck? How’s your stomach? Be present to the pace you’re moving at, be present to the piles of paper around you, to the anxiety about an argument that’s brewing, a disaster waiting to happen around the corner. Just notice all the symptoms of your own personal battle field, just notice it all – and keep breathing.”
So thank you
)
One of the conflicts that crops up with me now and then (literally!) is conflict within – conflict with a part of me. Sometimes I don’t need anyone else to be involved to be in my own war zone.
Taking that one a stage further, I can also find i am stuck in a good fight with ‘God’ sometimes – and guess what – s/he always wins.
Identifying these two extra layers of conflict zone has been helpful to me: the: “my business, your business and god’s business” thing.
Minding my own business, family, home, heart and soul is where it’s at for me right now. If it were an allotment it would be rather weedy!
A timely piece Corrina
just one thing though that I’ve noticed in my own case ..
it is that … if I focus on my breath – I find I cannot breathe!
I don’t relax, I don’t find stillness and peace. Instead I’m likely to feel tightness and tension. So, best for me to not think about my breathing too much.
I wonder if anyone else has experienced anything similar?
For me, one of the best ways to get still is to move – I find I relax best when I’m gently distracted. If I try and focus on anything too hard, I just get angsty and back at war.
then again, i guess there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ distractions! or at least those which help and those which don’t. Now I’m rambling so I’ll shut up!
Annie´s last [type] ..Peel and Reveal – Being All of You
Dave – Thanks so much for sharing the impact of that paragraph. I’ve been thinking of recording a little audio which guides people through a breathing check-in like that – would that be useful? If so, watch this space
Ah… the fight with God. Always a good one. One of my favourites is to write an angry letter to God, explaining all that isn’t fair, all that’s going wrong, all that I’m pissed off about. Every tried that one? (I remember it being what led Neale Donald Walsch into his groundbreaking ‘Conversations With God’ series of books).
And I so appreciate your honesty about the need to start at home with our weedy allotments. Yes yes yes to that. Here’s a ton of love to those weeds and to the beautiful grass, flowers and other interesting plants that are blooming there.
p.s. If you’re at the Ashden Awards today, I’ll see you there! x
Corrina´s last [type] ..Are You Battle Weary How To Move From War To Peace
Annie – Thank you for offering an alternative to the ‘focus on breathing’ strategy. Yes to moving! I’ve got into going for a run recently – great for shaking off any pent-up tension. What kind of moving works best for you?
And… a little curiosity about the breathing. Rather than trying to calm your breathing, what if you just notice it? Notice how antsy it is, how stifled it is? Just put your attention there, without trying to change it. Not a ‘hard’ focus but a soft, curious, loving focus. How’s that?
Corrina´s last [type] ..Are You Battle Weary How To Move From War To Peace