Do you have a nagging sense that something isn’t right?
Another day, a little more dread. You can’t bring yourself to look at the situation because of fear, shame or anxiety.
Perhaps it’s your finances, or a relationship. A room in your house that’s got over-cluttered, a health concern, or a looming deadline that you know you can’t realistically meet.
I want to share with you a process you can use to clear the situation up. It’s the process I used to turn around the uptake of my last workshop, where I went from having two participants to ten participants in less than two weeks, and regained my sense of peace.
1. What’s going on?
If you’re ignoring what’s happening and just hoping it will get better, it’s time to come out of ostrich mode. What are the facts, what is the truth? With my workshop, I allowed myself to feel the angst I was experiencing and also acknowledged that I might need to cancel. What are you feeling and what is the down-and-dirty reality here?
2. What else is true?
When the facts are out in the open, your gremlins will love to pounce. (Hint: This may well be the reason you told yourself it was better to keep things under wraps in the first place.) Gremlins are hungry for the very worst, the very harshest. With my workshop, they were delightedly keen to focus on all the empty space, on all those people who hadn’t enrolled. Now is the time to seek out some alternative points of view. How did I know, for example, that two wasn’t the ideal number?! Could I say for sure that a dozen participants would be better? There’s an inspirational urban legend about U2 once playing a gig for just four people. This step is about relinquishing our role as master of the universe and conceding that we don’t know the bigger picture and we don’t have control over outcome.
3. Who can help?
It’s vital to break the painful coziness of keeping secrets. Instead, tell the truth, reach out and ask for help. Part of you desperately won’t want this – it will freak out and scream: “What are you doing!? You can’t reveal this!” Just quietly get on with doing it anyway, choosing your confidantes wisely and knowing that there is safety in honesty. I was nervous about admitting in my last blog post that there were low numbers for the workshop because I didn’t want those who’d signed up to be concerned. I was moved when one of them emailed me immediately saying: “However many people attend, it’s gonna be a wonderful workshop”. You may be surprised by the kindness of strangers – and of the not so strange.
4. What are my strategies now?
Fear can keep us absolutely paralysed. Once we’ve acknowledged the fear, loosened the hold of our one-track gremlins and told the truth about the situation, it’s now time to get into action. I committed to pulling out all the stops in my last-minute promotion of the workshop. I wrote some new copy, blogged about it, asked people to recommend the workshop to friends, went on local radio (which you can listen to here), sent the blurb to online publications, tweeted about it, shared the link on Facebook, followed up with people who had expressed an interest. It worked. What are the strategies for your situation? If you don’t know what might work, others will. Seek out a debt advisor, a professional decutterer, a book on healthy relationships etc.
Honesty, cleaning up and returning to action can feel incredibly scary – yet it’s just one part of us which is scared. Another part of us has a constant and unerring sense of safety because it knows that our safety is a given and doesn’t come from any external circumstances – and that part of us will lead us back to peace.
The World Needs Your Passion, So…
1) Choose an area of your life where you’re experiencing that nagging sense of unease. Now use the four questions to face the truth, get into action, and recover your peace.
2) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know how this process works for you. Is this a new way of approaching a murky situation? Which steps do you find hardest, and which come easily?
© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2010
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Another excellent post Corrina,
As someone who is VERY good at macho-ing my way to ignore fear I know that for me, simply being with and examining my fear was the single biggest shift I’ve ever experienced.
I spent a little over six months keeping a daily fear journal. First thing in the day I would just write about what I was worried or nervous or anxious about at that moment.
Gradually I learnt that my fears and I could actually co-exist and that I didn’t need to spend quite so much energy denying them or putting myself down for having them or for not living up to my macho image of someone too succesful to have fears!
Nick – What an insightful comment, thank you so much. And also thanks for sharing this very practical strategy with readers here. I will experiment with that fear journalling myself.
The ‘macho’ slant is interesting… I wonder what the equivalent is for us women, do we do ‘macho’?! Is it maybe ’sorted’ or ‘got it all together’? Anyone…?
Corrina´s last blog ..Truth, Action, Peace
I’m very glad you did go ahead, Corrina and I’m glad I was there! ;-D xx
ignore the winking in my smile in my earlier comment! I clearly can’t type properly. no ambiguity was intended
Great post Corinna.
I guess the female equivalent to being “Macho” is “Superwoman”!!
We try so hard to pretend we can do everything that is asked from us… and still look good in the process!
Bahieh´s last blog ..On Dreaming
Annie – I liked the winking face, please don’t take it back
I’m so glad I went ahead too and thank you for being there and bringing your sparkling energy, your ideas and your support for others. Cambridge got lucky.
Bahieh – Superwoman is what I was thinking! So… what is the fear around NOT being a superwoman? We’re a failure, weak, not up to scratch, unworthy….? Others will think worse of us, we’ll fall from some pedestal? What’s the worse case scenario of us NOT looking good – what’s the worst fear?
Corrina´s last blog ..Truth, Action, Peace
I LOVE this article – and it’s so refreshing to see someone be so honest, especially in the blogosphere!
Fear played a huge part in my life growing up, and I started this mantra in high school to help me reframe the feeling.
“Fear gives me the energy to do my best in a new situation”.
I sometimes bring it back, so I can go – Oh fear, here you are – thanks for helping me out here”
Can’t remember source – I’m pretty sure I read it in a book somewhere!
Denise – Thank you. Honesty feels like a gift to others AND it helps me – to feel cleaner, more aligned and (surprisingly?) safer.
How interesting that you developed a mantra in high school that has stayed with you all this time. Sometimes at this point of life we can develop patterns and strategies which erode our self-confidence and restrict our world – it’s refreshing to hear about the opposite being true for you. And I like how ‘Fear’ is reframed as a helpful friend
Corrina´s last blog ..Truth, Action, Peace