Stress and anxiety can show up a lot when you go self-employed. If you’ve taken even a few steps along the path, this unfortunately won’t be news to you.
The sinking stomach when you think about going to a networking meeting; the sting of rejection when someone unsubscribes from your mailing list; the hurt when a client says they’re not coming back for more sessions; the sense of panic as your workshop date looms and your places aren’t filling.
This anxiety is horrible – physically, mentally and emotionally. It upsets your digestion, gives you headaches and makes you ratty. (I know – I’ve experienced more than enough along my own journey).
You may have noticed your own inner dialogue, something like: “Well, if this is what it’s like to go it alone, I’d rather stick with the day job, thank you, it feels safer. (Even though it’s toxic/deeply unsatisfying/draining the very life-force from me.)”
What I’ve discovered is that there’s a fundamental reason you feel all this stress and anxiety… and it has nothing to do with clients not showing up, or your savings running out. Not really. And knowing this reason can free you from the fear.
The real reason you’re scared is that you think you are responsible for outcomes. I’ll repeat that so you can check whether it’s true for you: You think you are responsible for outcomes. You feel you’re on your path alone, walking solo, having to figure everything out and make it happen. You feel you’ve been stranded in some crazy overwhelming jungle of SEO and opt-ins – and you’ve forgotten, just for a moment, that you have a walkie-talkie. You have ways of connecting in, on a daily basis, with the Divine – or whatever you call that benevolent presence.
You’ve forgetten that you were called to do this work and therefore whatever called you will keep on calling you and guiding you, day after day, without fail. You’re running scared because you missed the part of the story where you’re utterly supported by a power beyond your comprehension and that you are in every way loved and safe.
They didn’t tell you that at Business Link. Your careers advisor at school likely forgot to mention all that as well. Whoops!
Which is why I’m so glad you’re here, reading these words right now. If I had to sum up in one sentence what I care about, in my work, it’s helping you to build your business on the most safe and solid of foundations.
So what’s your own unique perception of the most safe and solid power in our world? In your own words, this might be the Universe, your higher self, Source, Spirit, your intuition, God, that small still voice within – or you might not have a name for it, you might just feel it when you’re walking in nature or running or dancing. It doesn’t matter what you call it or how you experience it, what matters is that you connect in with it because there are no foundations more safe and solid than that.
And so when you write your promotional email or give a talk, when you design your business cards or meet with a prospective client, ask for something greater than you to speak through you. Before you massage your client or teach your yoga class, ask that some other power is in charge. Get yourself out of the way and let it through.
You are not alone. You are not responsible for outcomes. Your job is to show up with a pure heart, eager to serve, and become a vehicle for a higher power to work through you. And when stress and anxiety show up, let them be nudges to remind you that you’re making up a funny story that you are all-powerful, all-responsible. Smile at yourself and give up that power.
And let us know: what’s your experience with stress and anxiety? What stories might you be telling about who’s responsible for outcomes? What happens when you let go of some of that burden of responsibility? Leave a comment below, let us know…
Create Safety
If you’d love to feel deeply safe and secure as you go self-employed, check out the Creating Safety Toolkit > >
Want to receive alerts about these blog posts to your inbox, plus hear about special offers? Subscribe to my free newsletter here.
© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2011
Oh the power of synchronicity my dear friend…
I’ve been in such a dark, pissy kind of place for the last few days. Social media was irritating me, reading other people’s blogs was triggering me {and not in a good way.} I was feeling disheartened.
I was in a snit {for lack of a better word.}
So yesterday and again this morning I took a few hours to step back. I put on beautiful spa music, poured myself a huge mug of green tea and then guided myself on a beautiful visualization to connect in with my higher self.
The message “let go” came through with an incredibly powerful stillness. It resonated so deeply for me. I knew exactly what it meant …”I’m not responsible for the outcome.” So needless to say I had *shivers* reading your post this morning.
My snit has dissipated. I feel so much more connected to my deeper purpose. And this deeper purpose has nothing to do with how many people follow me on Twitter :0).
God love you for writing this, you gorgeous woman you.
xo
Jac
Jac McNeil´s last [type] ..What to do when your gut tells you “No”
A lovely piece!
I’m a strong believer in leaning towards doing the things that ring your bell – it makes such a difference to your outlook on life….
Wishing you well,
TSx
Tracey Smith
Author/Broadcaster Sustainable Living
Timely as always, Corrina – now P2P is over I no longer have an “excuse” not to go out there, market, basically make my dream a reality – which is SCARY!!! Thanks for reminding me to stay in connection
Hi Corrina –
This really resonates with me. I think it’s important to surrender to – and cooperate with the Great Mystery so that we can hear and respond to our calling. It’s a good reminder to think of that when my fear comes up when I’m going after my dream. Thanks for giving me a new perspective!
Brilliant reminder of how to let ourselves be the powerhouses that we are, once we just remember to stop trying to be powerhouses!
thanks for a great post!
Dear Corrina,
I am going to start thinking you have some pscyhic connection with me if this carries on…this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today! I have that meeting with my boss this afternoon to discuss going part-time, and my silly mind is going into over-drive asking, ‘But is it the right thing to do?’ Errrr, well, yes, it is! Unless I want to stay in that toxic environment forever? Well, no!
Thanks for the wise words!
Corrina, you are so right. It is all about allowing, not about rigidly trying too hard. But it is good to be reminded of that every now & then
I’m on the same level. I do hope to meet you one day. xx
Talk about timely – I’ve been in the doldrums for about 3 weeks now. Just been out for a run in the sun and feel better already. REALLY looking forward to starting P2P in May xxx
Thank you so much for writing this great piece…for 15 or so years my passion has been to begin a private counselling practice. Just two weeks ago, I met with my first private clients. Your message about the source of our fears provides so much clarity for me! Last year I was trained in Level 1 Reiki. After reading your piece…I remembered or re-storied my talk therapy to realize that it is very much like Reiki. The healing doesn’t come FROM me but THROUGH me, I’m willing to release the outcome/possible failure…to ALLOW the healing to move through me to those I’m helping. I will work on smiling when my ego attempts to overtalking my heart. Thanks AGAIN!
Corrina,
What an astute observation. This time you spoke directly to my heart and helped me understand my inertia. You are right! I am called to this profession and I am confident of this one thing “He that has begun a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6
I am not alone.
This is really beautiful Corinna.
Even though I know this. How many times do I forget this! All the time – until I remember. I wonder too if what I’m really scared of is trusting in this incredible support. What they call in the Dagara Tribe of Burkina Faso “the invisible realm of incomparable power”. Perhaps because I have grown being fiercely independent – and so to rely on anything other than myself is very risky. It means trusting in that – and my default mode just doesn’t want to do that!
Thank you. I am sighing with relief!!
Claire
Claire
Hi Corrina,
Thanks so much for this – it is so spot on and supportive for me right now. I have an affirmation that tested up for me in a kinesiology session recently: ‘I put all my trust in my higher self’. I have been saying this regularly to help affirm exactly what you have said in such a cool way.
Thanks a million,
Wendy
Thank you Corrina!! You’ve confirmed to me that its really OK – deepest act of loving my life – to trust my way and heart! Love, Eline
Jac & Fiona – Sounds like our ‘snits’ and ‘doldrums’ coincided
Tracey – Ring that bell!
Meggie – Extra hugs to your fear x
Heather – “surrender to the Great Mystery” – aahhhh
Claire – What a paradox, huh?
Laura – As if we ever doubted it
Esther – We’re all reminding each other, huh?
Fiona – A run in the sun! Yes!
Kim – You are so welcome – and yay your lucky new clients!
Gigi – A heart-felt “whoomph” to your inertia
Claire – Nice insight. You know Marianne Williamson’s “Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…”
Wendy – So happy to be able to offer support; hope to see you soon.
Eline – Trust: such a small word, what a massive impact, huh?
Corrina Gordon-Barnes´s last [type] ..The Real Reason You’re Scared
Fascinating … when I first read this (or read the first part of it) I got hit with a hugely strong reaction. I felt angry, I felt sad, I felt defeated … I had a heavy case of “oh NO not the D word again!”
That might sound strange coming from one of your followers, your readers, your tribe – it probably sounds out of alignment.
But it has certainly made me think – on the one hand I find it so hard to be okay with the idea of being a vehicle for some higher force, higher power … it doesnt’ naturally sit well with me, the idea that we humans do the work and then some other force can take the credit (or the rap!) for the outcome.
And then on the other hand, oh yes, oh to feel less alone, to feel there’s someone or something to help take the load of my shoulders, to metaphorically or “spiritually” help carry my bags …
But taking guidance, seeking guidance, ceding control, giving up the potential for glory, being humble – even believing that there IS some higher power that’s bigger than us – argh!! that can be hugely challenging for me. It feels disempowering, like it’s making us small … and yet of course I know we can’t CONTROL outcomes …
I guess I’m not convinced that there is some great design, some great overarching plan, some designer in any shape or form (or formless) … and yet there are times when I DO feel tuned into something – be it a very powerful intuition, a natural and “pure” bond with babies, young children, the dog in the park, a little kitty-kat … they all seem drawn to me and try to communicate with me – which is utterly delightful and hugely nourishing and empowering …
So I suppose I am somewhat confused – not by you, Corrina, but by my own thoughts and feelings and opinions and past experiences. Interesting times!! lots love Annie x
Annie Wigman´s last [type] ..How do you “keep being you”
Annie – Ah so interesting. Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing your struggle, discomfort & questions.
For me, I feel smaller when I DON’T tune into my belief in a higher power. I go back up to size when I connect back in.
I’d love to hear from others on this…
Corrina Gordon-Barnes´s last [type] ..The Real Reason You’re Scared
Annie,
Believing in something greater than yourself is definitely an act of faith and I suppose courage. But it is totally liberating!! The thing inside of you that draws animals and babies to you as you put it “be it a very powerful intuition, a natural and “pure” bond with babies, young children, the dog in the park, a little kitty-kat … they all seem drawn to me and try to communicate with me – which is utterly delightful and hugely nourishing and empowering”
May very well be your higher power, I call him God, flowing through you to connect with all of his creation. I especially like your description “utterly delightful and hugely nourishing and empowering”. Yes he is all that and more!
My best wishes to you!
A truer and more profound blog post I’ve not read.
We need change in this world, indeed. And, paradoxically, it will at once we be US — and NOT US — who achieve(s) it. The only way true change actually happen is if we follow where that force (whichever name we have for it) leads us and then let go and get out of its way…
Thanks for the reminder, Corrina. So true and yet so very easy to forget!!
Halleluja! How good those words sound. And how true they are! No, we are NOT responsible for outcomes – we cannot and should not try to control the destiny of others, or even ourselves.
I spent far too long in situations where I felt entirely responsible for everything – so much so that it left me feeling almost catatonic. For too long I felt unable extract myself from those situations because of the destruction it would cause (or rather, that I PERCEIVED it would cause). Instead, I allowed the situations to sap so much energy and slowly destroy me.
The turning point was realising that I was only responsible for ME and not for anybody or anything else. By relinquishing control of those situations, I was able to regain control of my life. I was also able to put my ego aside and connect with the bigger picture.
As I result, I have finally stopped running away and searching. The stresses in my life have all gone, I have no fears and I have found my inner peace. I am now free to get on with my true vocation with a sense of unconditional giving and pure intent – and most importantly, I feel completely liberated!
Wise words, Corrina – well spoken!
All best, Jo
Annie – I’m curious – do you relate to the idea of your higher self, intuitive self, future self?
Anne – Yes, we can sometimes hear that critical voice inside: “You aren’t up to this, you can’t achieve this” – and maybe it’s true in that “you” actually can’t – but “YOU” can. Beautiful paradox.
Jo – Can totally feel the pain… and then the liberation. So happy that we found each other the way we did
Lovely post – thanks Corrina.
I have been reading the comments too and reassured that I’m absolutely not alone. I’ve just returned from a marketing course in the USA, where I was surrounded by excited and ambitious entrepreneurs. I returned to UK and I’m back working alone at home and feeling alone – it’s been a shock and I was truly asking myself – is this the life for me? Am I up to the job of creating a successful business?
The answer for me was reflected in your post: Who knows, but if I get too concerned with being a “success” and attached to this outcome, then I’ll always be in fear of failure. If I focus on my higher purpose and coming from my heart, then this all becomes a delightful journey of learning and growing. Speak soon and thanks for the insights, much love Nicky x
Nicky Moran´s last [type] ..Simple project planning for creatives
Nicky – Welcome back! – and you are certainly not alone.
Hi Corrina – and your readers and writers!
Thank you for your graciousness and spaciousness in both your original post and in your follow-up comments to our comments.
I keep reading and re-reading all of this – am in a challenging place at the moment where I have to find somewhere new to live yet again – and on a budget that I don’t in simple terms have. Or the budget I do have will get me a hovel and no more.
So I guess I’m not feeling the lurve right now from the Divine or God or whatever one wants to call it. Feels like it’s kinda gone AWOL – again. And I’m struggling to connect fully to that sense of benevolence of which you speak. Your words are so eloquent and your feelings so enthusiastic and full of zeal and I can see from the responses that you’re touching bringing hope and comfort to many people. I’m wading in a trough of “little orphan Annie abandoned child” mode again – one minute crying, the next minute laughing at my own OTT self-pity. But I am scared … not just about SEO and opt-ins – though yeah I wish I could get that sorted!
This is something far more fundamental – where will be the roof over my head and when am I gonna stop having to move every bloody year or two since the summer of 2003?? Responsible for outcomes? You’re right, of course we’re not. I don’t know what is though. And right now I seem unable to even be responsible for me!
I don’t feel taken care of. I don’t feel confident there’s any safe and solid power for me to lean on and connect to. No benevolent presence … just bloody groundhog day.
I don’t know if I have a calling – there are things I deem important – there are things I’d love to see happen in the world, for me and for others like me. But I don’t feel it as a calling as such. It feels more like a “need”, a “want”, a “value to be honoured” than a calling. And it feels out of reach.
So here is my frustration and my anguish. See it, feel, hear it. smell it, taste it …
Argh! Power? Responsibility? Control? You know I’m wondering if I’m Icarus and Narcissus rolled into one?! – About to get melted by the sun and then drowned in the pool. Ah well, I do at least have an ironic witty wicked sense of humour!
Do I relate to the idea of my higher self, intuitive self, future self? Great questions!
Intuitive self? definitely! I have a very strong and powerful intuition …
Higher self? I don’t know … the jury’s out on that one .. sort of yes and sort of dunno!
Future self? Well in future self visualizations I always see great imagery – I am very visual. So everything looks wonderful – such a perfect world in future self-ville. Abd Confused – a mish-mash of different countries, different landscapes, different climates so goodness knows where I’m meant to be.
A home in every port? But Madam Future Self keeps her mouth firmly zipped tight shut – the silly bitch refuses to tell me how she got there. Like everything else, even she leaves me wanting and then won’t tell me how to get it. Nor even give me a clue on how to figure it out for myself.
I know, we’re not meant to think of wanting – we’re here to be of service. And yet I want …
lots love & courage, rant over
Annie xx
Annie Wigman´s last [type] ..How do you “keep being you”
Annie
Forgive me for butting in. I empahtise with your situation – and a challenging place to dig yourself out of – which I am sure you will. You talk a lot in quite a dramatic/metaphorical way and I’ve got a hunch you’ve got a few monsters running you. I’ve got a free ebook on my website at the moment – Finding Your WOW – and I think it might switch on a few light bulbs for you. Follow this link
http://www.makingmoves.net/Improving_Confidence/finding_your_wow_free_ebook.html
All the best
Claire
Hi Claire
Yes, monsters a many! Thank you for the empathy – yes it IS or least it does FEEL LIKE a challenging place to dig myself out of. Will have to pull a rabbit out of the bag on this one!
Thanks for the link to your e-book. will check it out
As it happens I was doing some monster work same day as I wrote my comment – and that “dramatic metaphorical” way of talking/writing helped me to name a significant monster that i’ve been trying to nail for the last 3 years … I needed the deep emotional charge that writing that way helped to harness. I call him the Cossack – but I won’t saddle you all here with the details 
Corrina, it is a lovely piece you wrote and while words like Divine and God don’t really work for me (too much association with the Old Testament Judaism I grew up in) – I do have a spiritual side. I love magic and mystery and serendipity and synchronicity and what I love to call the Great Random. I love random!
I also love sensuousness, sensuality, humour and tender emotional connection. Maybe that’s my spirituality.
A closing thought, can any of us truly know the “real reason” why anyone else feels a particular way? For me the title alone was a red rag to a bull!
lots love
Annie xx
Annie Wigman´s last [type] ..How do you “keep being you”
A pleasure Annie. What syncronicity. Your blog has so much joy. life and adventure. That is who you are. A few years ago a group of us went to Santiago Compestela – and people defined their experience of spirituality in very different ways. Some of us were wowed by the energy in the cathedral – one man could not stop weeping, and I had a pretty similar experience. At the other extreme one woman found more spirituality in the performing monkeys in the square outside. Unfortunatley in a blog words have to be used – for an experience for which there are no words
Hi Corinna
I can’t tell you how much I agree with this post. You are spot on about how to handle this fear and anxiety, and the very thing that talks us out of connecting is the very same fear and anxiety!
Recognising the fear for what it is, seeing how it likes to keep itself alive within me and then stepping out of it has been life-changing for me.
Great post hun x x x
Lola Fayemi´s last [type] ..How to Finish Your First Product
Lola – Ah yes, the irony! I’m so pleased to see you here – off now to read your intriguing-sounding blog post…
This is one awesome blog.Really thank you! Awesome.