How far was yesterday from your ideal day? You know, the kind when everything flows, you feel in your zone, calm and productive, full of clarity and energy.
Mine was far from that. In fact, I’d go so far as to say yesterday was a write-off.
The reason? I broke all my rules.
Now, when we’re self-employed, we can make up that we don’t have rules. No line manager to tell us what to do, no fixed hours, no-one to report to.
But from my experience, that’s not strictly true.
We actually have one of the most formidable bosses of all – our wisest, highest self. That self which knows everything about us: what we yearn for, what we fear, how we work best, the conditions for an ideal working day, which actions and ways of being will take us fastest and most enjoyably to our business goals. When we listen, we have all that information available to us.
What I also know from my experience is that we can choose to over-ride this self. Either consciously or unconsciously, we can ignore all our best-known working habits and sabotage the show, letting the other self – of fear and panic – lead us instead.
Here are a few of my rules I broke yesterday (see if you can identify…):
Rule #1: Don’t schedule clients until 10am
To accommodate a wonderful client, I said “yes” to a session at 8.30am. That cut short my morning practice of green juice, meditation, time with my partner and writing my book – activities that nourish me and set me up for a powerful, focused day ahead.
Rule #2: Take frequent breaks, eat & drink when hungry/thirsty
My accountant was working at my dining table yesterday morning so I made up that I couldn’t take my normal mid-morning break – for example, sitting in the lounge with my magazine and cup of chicory, or watching the world go past from my front porch, catching some Vitamin D. I got ratty because I was hungry, and my mind didn’t get its usual creative space.
Rule #3: Go for a daily walk
I simply didn’t allocate a slot in my day for this, despite knowing how crucial it is for my physical and mental well-being. By the time my partner came home, I was like a flower that hadn’t been watered – wilting, disconnected, yearning for fresh air and movement.
Rule #4: Ensure my office is Zen- clear
The quality of my space makes a massive difference to me. It might not have such an impact on you (does it?) but if I have piles of paper on my floor, as I did yesterday, then I feel scattered, chaotic, unfocused and panicked.
I could go on…
The impact? My RSI symptoms – aching hand, sore arm, painful shoulder blade – reappeared with a vengeance, groaning at me: “Why? Why did you do this to us?” The reason is very simply, I’m afraid, dear arms. I didn’t listen to my wisest self. I ignored that voice that tried to get my attention, that suggested I went for a break, or a walk, or tidied up the papers before I continued with my To Do list.
And this is what hurts even more than the symptoms. It’s the knowledge that we do this to ourselves. There’s no boss to blame, no company culture to point the finger at. It’s simply what happens when we think there’s a better way of working than the one our wisest self lays down for us. It’s inevitable when we disregard that knowing voice within.
So – what’s your version of all this? What are your top rules, the ones which come from your kindest, most omniscient, most switched-on self? Maybe it’s ensuring you bend your knees when you pick up your massage table… Allowing time for self-practice and meditation before you teach your yoga class…. Scheduling decent breaks between clients…
And what’s the impact when you break your rules? Migraine, back-ache, a feeling of stress or overwhelm? Do you get short-tempered or forgetful?
Leave a comment below, let us know…
By the way, there is - of course – an easy remedy for a day like this. Once you’ve identified that you’re playing by unhelpful rules, get back into Connection and revisit (or create) your own unique set of rules for optimal daily working habits. Share them with us on this blog post too, you might just inspire someone else.
For me, today’s been an entirely different kind of day: time out in nature with the birds singing, a hot bath, a clear and fresh office, and chilling out on the sofa with the radio and a helping of raw vegan strawberry cheesecake (TOO delicious – a million thanks to Polly Noble for the recipe!).
The result? Massively improved productivity, highly effective coaching, a consultation with a prospective (ideal) client, and this not-too-shabby blog post.
Sweet.
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© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2011
Can you identify with being out of touch with your wisest self? Is it impacting your ability to go (and stay) enjoyably self-employed?
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Ha, there must have definitely been something in the air yesterday! I broke my main rule which works wonderfully for me and that’s getting 8 hours of sleep. Instead I went to bed late and yesterday was a complete write off. My head was all over the place and I was annoyed at being so unproductive. Today couldn’t be more different – I got up early and went for a swim at my lovely gym and had a great call with a potential coach to help me on my journey
Agreed, yesterday was a challenge, but making time to uphold your commitment to self care will make all the difference no matter what you encounter. I often see clients struggle to maintain this type of practice – to be flexible but to stick to practices that keep their inspiration up. It is completely worth it and necessary.
Thank you for the post.
Deborah Connolly
CreativeLeadershipCoach.com
Brilliant, just a few simple rules can make the world of difference, clean clear space helps me work better and so does an afternoon walk with the dog, gives my mind a rest, and lets me start fresh when I get back to my desk.
So well timed, Corrina! And so fascinating to hear that your body let you know that quickly that things were going awry. Bodies are *so* clever. One of my patients has actually ended up thanking and celebrating her shoulder ache because it’s such a good barometer of her stress levels – if that shoulder starts to kick off, she knows to do everything she can to get calm.
For myself, I definitely needed to hear your point about keeping a zen office space today. I’ve been trying to battle through with stuff everywhere and it’s just not working. I need that zen clear desk!
Yesterday was quite productive actually, but that is actually an exception rather than a rule. A tidy working space and some routine are essential I think. I meditate for half an hour in the mornings and if I don’t do it, I just don’t feel quite the same. Procrastination seems to be my biggest issue – would be good to read your thoughts on the subject Corrina
Oh my goodness, it is really refreshing although unfortunate to learn that self imposed rules affect other people too! I am desperately trying to relax my incredibly harsh self imposed rules, regardless of praise from peers or a great result, if I don’t do one thing I told myself I’d do or break one promise that’s it. To then have someone externally reinforce rules or mention what you should is the ultimate torture, after already punishing yourself it can be the final straw.
Interestingly, and on a slightly random but kind of related note, I was discussing with a psychologist just this afternoon the detriments of micromanagement especially for highly driven people. He explained the story of a company that decided to put the employees incharge, working to their own rules to create one of the most successful companies. Apparently more and more forward thinking organisations (albeit because they get better results) are realising that most human’s self imposed rules are far more powerful than externally imposed rules, which we naturally reject-we have our own rules which will push us, i guess its just a case of trying to make them more reasonable and accepting when we have broken them without criticising ourselves!
Corrina you have totally hit my tender spot with this blog! In fact you honestly could have been writing it about me. I too have a rule not to work before 10, nourish myself every day with a walk in nature and/or a yoga practice. But that had all gone to pot. As for my study….well, remember that great advert about the chap who invited his new girlfriend into his flat and it was so messy she thought it had been burgled?? That is my study! (Thankfully my bathroom is clean unlike his!)
However I had my wake-up call and the rug firmly pulled from under my feet when my dad passed away a month ago. It has caused me to have some time off work, take stock of my life, re prioritise and re energise. I am now starting back to work slowly and I am being careful that it IS slowly so that I can give my clients the energy and treatment that they need and rightfully expect from me. I’m back to playing by my rules and making sure that I give more time to my family and to those things that are important to me as you just never know what life has in store….
Thank you for a great blog Corrina
Definitely agree, yesterday was quite a day.
I do stretch, write, reflect and sound at the beginning of every day and reflect or wind down at the end of the day too. It’s essential – it connects me to my essence. I have learnt however not to be neurotic about it, and to let myself feel it rather than impose it, because otherwise it becomes mechanical and inauthentic.
I had a slightly different experience because whilst I did do my practice, I broke all my rules (Tuesdays are supposed to be recording days) and gave myself a much needed day off, allowed myself some processing time and to be nurtured by my friends, a walk in the park and an unusually early night with a fascinating book.
In this case, it was just what I needed.
Some days are just those kind of days and sometimes its good to let go of the rules and let the day unfold in its own magical way.
Love
Katiexxx
I rarely take time out these days to meditate or do yoga, AND I have a really messy desk today! I’ve been justifying it because I’ve been getting a lot of new clients and my income has been steadily increasing, but imagine what I could achieve and create with taking the time to support myself?!
Denise Duffield-Thomas´s last [type] ..Dream First- The Money Will Follow – 10 Ways the Universe Can Support Your Goals
This is absolutely spot-on Corrina. When I first had a baby I felt overwhelmed at all there was to do, so I decided that so long as everyone got fed, watered and washed once a day that would be enough and anything else would be a bonus. Do you know, that period was probably one of the most peaceful times of my life (even though I was awake most of the night!). But I all comes back to the fact that I had identified the essentials and stuck to them. You’ve inspired me – a new list will be formed today of essentials for me.
Really resonated with me! Thanks Corinna and everyone else, will take a lot of tips away from this
Thank you for this post! I looked up “rule” in the dictionary, and found “to control or direct; exercise dominating power, authority, or influence over; govern”.
I find that what comes up for me when I encounter the word “rule”, even “self-rule” is that my indignation arises. I find I tend to submit or rebel, neither of which lead me where I long to be led. Thank you for reminding me of the wisdom of listening to my own inner wisdom.
The saying I hung in my kitchen, which is the room in which I tend to “find myself” (double meaning intended) when I am responding to my thinking that I somehow ‘have to’ do something:
I have designed a life with order and structure to support me in assisting myself in performing actions that align with my values, creating the life I choose to live.
You do inspire me, Corrina, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Mair Alight´s last [type] ..Diet Can Control Epilepsy
Hi Corrina,
This blog spoke to me so much.
I myself have write-off days all the time. And not just in terms of business/work, but in my general life.
These days seem to show up for several reasons: I don’t stick to my rules, I’ve forgotten that I have rules, I pretend to myself that I don’t have rules or I don’t make enough rules.
In all cases, I’m self-sabotaging. I’m allowing these days to occur. I’m keeping myself back from living my full potential and I’m choosing to fuel my frustration.
The funny thing is, I’d started to believe that my ultra-cruddy days had a purpose. I’d seen how determined and driven I was the following day as a result of slipping up, that I thought I needed the write-offs. But, I realise that this is in fact an excuse, playing out as a story I don’t want anymore. I want to have awesome and productive days for awesome sake! – because these are what I, my truest, highest self deserve, and not because I’m running away from the pain and annoyance of days I’ve lost.
My aim now is to have more incredible days, to tap in to source and keep to great rules. Because you’re right, it does hurt to lose a day, slip up and fall into the same hole, knowing that you’re at choice. And quite honestly, I’ve had enough of the pain.
Thank you Corrina for your honesty, and once again for nailing perfect timing
Rosanna Gordon´s last [type] ..Yoga and Diet
Daniela – Ooh yes I have that 8-hour sleep rule too
Deborah – I imagine the work you do with clients to help them focus on self-care has huge benefits.
Pixie – Ahh I feel refreshed just reading your comment!
Joy – I’m so with your client on that. “Thank you arms/shoulder for taking care of me so well”
Esther – Sure – check out a blog post I wrote on procrastination, hope it helps…
http://youinspireme.co.uk/2010/how-to-overcome-procrastination/
Frances – Yes, great point, not to beat ourselves up when we slip from our own best rules, but simply to find our way back when we realize.
Natasha – Thank you for sharing this tender experience of yours. What better rule than having time and energy for what matters most to us.
Katie – I cherish you and the self-love you model.
Denise – Yay for more clients and money! When my business really took off, my mentor guided me very firmly into meditating MORE because of carrying more and sourcing more. Certainly helped me avoid ‘success freakout’
Rosemarie – Ahh what a great experience to draw from! I’d love to see that list…
Kay – You’re so welcome here, fellow Kent lady
Mair – Ooh nice sign! Order & structure are like the river banks, guiding and holding the flow.
Ro – Haha love that ‘pretend I don’t have rules’. How cunning we can be with ourselves, huh?! I salute your insights and new intentions.
Great article! I try to keep stepping back and assessing my priorities but end up with huge to do lists! Love the article on procrastination as I am great at this!!
Loved this blog and am sure these things are just as (maybe even more!) vital when in a transition phase with no externally-dictated routine at all… Duly inspired, as always
Brilliant blog Corrina – and amazingly synchronous with my Tuesday too!
Aaah yes, many a hopeful soul has moved into self-employment to avoid the rules imposed by bosses, colleagues and organisations – only soon to realise that they are even more vital to everything a solopreneur does and is… and that the greatest of all the Universe’s ironic rubs is that you must create and impose them on your Self in an often traumatic and lonely – but ultimately crucial – process.
As always, you write expertly to provide solutions to the pragmatic realities of being self-employed – and I salute you for doing so!
With my every best wish – Daniel
I just wanted to add that sometimes it is our inner rebel that does not want to play by the rules, so I find that its important to acknowledge that part of me and its wisdom. Sometimes it has something wild, whacky and wonderful it wants to show me.
A practical example of this is that Verne Varona, a leading lecturer in Macrobiotics includes in his recommended healthy eating plans a WYW section – What You Want – he advises people to have a little of what they really love, of the highest quality and really enjoy it, whilst maintaining the eating plan. It really works because it allows the inner rebel some playtime and means it won’t blob out and destroy the whole endeavour. http://www.vernevarona.com
Hooray for you Corrina, you’re wonderful! xx
Oh Corrina sounds like you had one of those days we all experience from time to time. Over the last 12 months this happens less & less, One day I had an Epiphany moment when I realised I wasn’t happy & yet everything was superficially great. After a powerful meditation I had a dawning that I was so focused on helping everyone but myself. My wise high self told me to practice being SELFISH, yes selfish! Never mind anyone else, never mind what was happening in the world, focus on myself. I was given some wonderful exercises to use to look for the joy in everything, to be kinder, more loving & patient with myself. The other lesson was LESS IS BEST, sounds crazy but somehow I am more likely to achieve everything & more in my day but with very little effort, I cannot tell you how powerful this has been, in fact completely changed my life. It has proven to be a win win situation, firstly for me, then my immediate family & friends, then with my business. So after being a practitioner of positive thought, meditation, reading self help books, many many lectures, I took a step back & stopped looking outwards & took that inner look a place so soft so gentle that I feel in love with myself for the first time in my life.
Thanks Corrina, reading this made my day
Forgot to tune into your blog for a while, will definitely tune in more often and look forward to reading back through the past posts. You rock!
A whoop! Thanks Dom
Ah, really helpful. My trouble is that I haven’t really set up those ‘rules’ in the first place. I am just groping towards what they should be.
A prospective client asked if I would do an evening session, today (I mean, she asked today, not that she wanted the session today). I said no, but perhaps yes. Why did I do the yes bit?! I wanted to just say no.
Devi
Devi – you’ll totally get there. For me, I know I won’t coach as well when it’s at a time that won’t suit me so you could see saying “no” as doing that prospective client a favour…