If you’re self-employed, there’s a high chance at some point along the journey you’ve asked yourself, “Why is all this so damn hard?”
This may have included some shouting, screaming, hair-pulling, crying, throwing yourself around your house or bewailing to your partner or friends.
Yes? Been there? (Trust me, you are not alone.)
Okay, on the one hand, it’s obvious that the path of self-employment means there’s a lot to do. If you want a financially viable business, you’re basically creating a job for yourself and doing the job. You’re working in the business and on the business.
And that naturally involves a fair amount of hours, a considerable degree of brain power and enough creative juice. You don’t get to just lie about twiddling your thumbs, waiting for the cash to come flowing in.
But although your days can quickly fill up with clients, website updates, social media activity, strategizing, accounts, networking, follow-ups, giving talks, writing articles, maintaining a blog, designing packages and creating programmes, it’s actually not those tasks themselves which makes self-employment “hard”.
No. It’s when the inner demons come out to play
Posting a status on Facebook turns out to involve a whole lot more than ten seconds of typing. It triggers the fear of visibility, the yearning for acceptance, the desire to be “interesting enough”.
Sending a promotional email about your new workshop reminds you far too uncomfortably of inviting your school friends to your birthday party and feeling so mortified when only five of them showed up.
Pitching an article to a magazine reminds you of applying to university and getting the rejection letter. Following up with a prospective client takes you back to how awkward you felt when you clumsily told your crush you liked them and they said you weren’t their type.
These undercurrents aren’t always conscious, which is why we’re often left wondering what on Earth is wrong with us and why these basic business activities feel like walking through treacle.
They feel so hard because they wake up those little demons which decide to bounce around on your table, on your computer screen and inside your mind. Having stuff to do isn’t a problem. You’re intelligent, capable, talented – you can handle that. Having stuff to do which tugs on long-ago pain and brings with it an avalanche of emotion is a whole other matter.
So, be compassionate with yourself
Recognize you’re taking a brave path. Acknowledge that self-employment is as much about personal growth as it is about professional fulfillment or paying the bills. Give yourself a massive pat on the back. You’re birthing something here and birthing isn’t always pretty. But it’s worth it.
When the demons come out to play, pause and give them some attention. Sit with them for a while. Get curious about what needs to be looked at. Find what’s really making this task “so damn hard” and know that patterns can be changed and you are resourceful.
What tasks that “should” be easy have most plagued you, as you go self-employed? What remedies have you found? Leave a comment, let us know…
A brand new toolkit + a tried-and-tested programme
If you’re feeling anxious on the turbulent path of self-employment and want to feel more secure, check out the new Creating Safety Toolkit.
If you’re feeling isolated and want to share your business-building journey with like-minded others, check out the Turn Your Passion To Profit group programme (new dates just released; next group starts May 2012).
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© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2012
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Corrina,
All this makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing this. I was a freelance interpreter for almost 18 years prior to a full-time job and then becoming a coach. All the fears associated with being self-employed are well too familiar to me. Had I known all this you are talking about here my life would have been a whole lot more enjoyable. I feel like my focus now shifted – what was scary before is not an issue even. My focus is on pursuing my passion and servicing my clients as best as I can. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your very much needed wisdom.
Leonid
Leonid – I’m all about the path being enjoyable and yes, focusing on your clients and being of service (rather than your own fears) is a brilliant strategy. Thanks for being here
I think I need to sit down and have a conversation with my gremlin. He’s too much in my face these days and I keep ignoring him and its getting me nowhere…it’s time to talk!
thank you
Sonia – Love it. I look forward to hearing what kind of agreement the two of you come to
I read your post immediately after submitting a proposal for work to a prospective client. Many of the demons you mentioned were actively running through my mind and across the keyboard as I wrote the proposal. How did you know?! Thank you for the guidance of compassion and learning. I also appreciated the ‘permission’ to give myself a pat on the back. I think I need to implement a recognition program for me just like companies do for their employees. Hmmm, now how can I get win that trip to Hawaii??!!
Juile – Yes! Do it. What’s your favourite way of showing yourself recognition?
This is terrific insight, Corrina. It is so, so different from being employed. Right now, I’m in a very new phase of self-employment. I ought to be over this, but I’ve been moving from freelancing to properly building a fledgling business. It’s a very different thing, and the more settled and solid you are, the easier it is. Hard when you don’t feel solid!
Alison´s last [type] ..Why are they so successful when their website looks like crap?
Alison – Like Victoria, I love the title of your blog post
Brilliant.
“Ought to be over this” sounds like classic gremlin chat. Do check out http://youinspireme.co.uk/creating-safety-toolkit/ because it’s exactly about that: how to feel solid when things don’t feel solid!
And big love to you.
@Alison, love the title of your blog post!
Corrina, reading your post felt so relieving because you explain why entrepreneurship is hard in such a clear manner. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and feeling like we’re under-achieving, we should be giving ourselves a pat on the back for being brave enough to do what we do. Your spin on this matter is really refreshing; thank you.
Victoria – I’m so glad. Thank you for being here. And yes, you’re brave and wonderful – pat on the back definitely in order.
What worked as a remedy for me is community, meeting other people, who have the same struggles going on, challenge your gremlins and cheer you on to go for your dreams.
I like your creating safety toolkit, Corrina. Having gravity, breath and love on my side in combination with other ways of coming home to myself is very grounding and I can just fall back into trusting myself again.
Laura´s last [type] ..Oral exam booked. If all goes well I am a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach…
Laura – I’m so delighted the Creating Safety Toolkit gave you places to come home to – thanks for letting me know!
Corrina, you’re bang on and the timings perfect! I heard someone say this yesterday “your business is your best spiritual teacher” and your reminder to be compassionate is definitely part of that spiritual journey. Just add on all the other stuff that we have in life as well as being small biz owners…. relationships, parenting, sideline jobs etc. My biggest learning has been to “release” and not just work harder and longer. To do that I have to remember to do my spiritual practice and create space to see things differently and use my natural resourcefulness and intuition
Vanessa – I love how these posts come through at just the right time
Yes yes to a daily practice – we are not doing this alone.
Corrina´s last [type] ..Why Is Self-Employment So Hard?
Well written piece Corrina! Very insightful.
Ruthie – Thanks, gorgeous. I’ve got a review copy of the book winging its way to you soon, by the way…
Corrina, another fantastic article. Very inspiring! It’s strange to think that doing, breathing – living something that you believe in so deeply can make you doubt yourself! Wise words, how do you remove the personal when it is personal? Keep doing what you’re doing x
Kara – Thank you
Nick Williams writes brilliantly about resistance and fears showing up even more when it’s personal and deeply believed in. Keep doing what YOU’re doing, lovely one.
Very interesting message this month. It had a resonance which most self employed people will recognize. The thrill of having your own business is like giving birth to a baby, the months of anticipation are over & its arrived, now its time to nurture it, feed it, watch it grow. Some days are magical & you know its all worth while, other days & nights are difficult, teething problems kick in, doubts fears keep you awake, & there is no hand book which necessarily can help in those scary moments. Instead there are friends family & guides like yourself who reassure us this to shall pass. All the hard work,the sleepless hours will be worthwhile as you see your business develop & grow step by steps, & yes it may trip & fall but you will be there to pick it up, dust it down & begin again this amazing journey. Thank you Corrina keep up the good work.
Karen – The birthing analogy really works, huh? It was how my mentor helped me understand the book-publishing process, being compassionate through my version of “labour pains”.
p.s. Have you spotted the Mompreneur Mojo virtual convention? http://www.mompreneurmojo.com/ I’m one of the speakers and draw parallels between being a mum and self-employed. Loads of great speakers and all free – spread the word!
Corrina´s last [type] ..Why It’s Hard To Get Clients
Thanks for sharing this wisdom, it was just what I needed to hear!
Nicole – Delighted. Let me know what else you need to hear and I’ll see what I can do…!
Corrina´s last [type] ..How To Be Found By Total Strangers
DEMONS! I didn’t realise just how much they’d LOVE my decision to go self-employed! So many opportunities for them to come out and play…I’m learning to welcome them like guests at a party, to get a sense of why they’ve come to see me and what I can learn from that. But if they try to monopolise me, I get fierce and pull a couple of swords out, to deflect the poisoned darts they fire at me!
Sarah – That dart imagery again!
I love your metaphor of welcoming them like guests, as if they come bearing wonderful gifts to open and explore.
Corrina´s last [type] ..Are You Apologising For Selling?
It’s like you opened up my head and read my thoughts. So good to know it’s not just me going through this. At the moment most tasks are challenging me. My biggest coping mechanism at the moment is to identify what needs to be done in advance (like the day before) when it’s not so scary, and to keep the list of priorities for each day small and manageable – I can always do more if it goes well, but if it doesn’t at least I feel I’ve achieved something. Each day I do those things, I reinforce the “I can do this” voice in my head.
Lucinda – Beautiful strategy. That works for me too (see post below). And it’s most certainly not just you so thanks for being here & sharing.
Corrina´s last [type] ..Stop Procrastinating, Get Stuff Done
Thank you so much Corrina for normalising all the stufff going round in my head. And thanks to all the comments already made as they too made me feel so normal and all so beautifully articulated – what an eloquent bunch of folks. Being part of the Passion to Profit programme has helped me in so many ways.I now find it so much easier to recognise the gremlins at work and see t hem for what they are. I’m looking forward to when it isn’t so knakkering to quash them – I’m sure this will come.
Elinor – It will come
I’m so happy you’re part of the Passion To Profit programme too.
Corrina´s last [type] ..When Enough is Enough
I have been self employed since 1987. Yes it is hard, but fullfilling. My experience is in working ALL the time, still making and hanging very elloborate and large curtains on the day I am due to have my second baby. working again when he was 4 weeks old. going to radiotherapy but working every day for 5 weeks and travelling 80 miles every day to have 15 mins of radio therapy and working every day there after. Feeling you are in a black hole and knowing if I was employed I would have a better deal. Get good insurance to be able to have the breaks that you need for your body to rest and recover.
Today I’m feeling frustrated with my personal self employment. For anyone out there looking to make a living using websites I caution thee!
As a blogger yourself, I’m sure that you can agree that making a career based on Google traffic is like having a job that you can get fired at any moment and not know why.
Maybe I’ll take your advice and be compassionate with myself to help reduce the frustration.
Chris´s last [type] ..A Few Ideas For Self Employment