Do you really believe in your work… really desperately want it to succeed… yet fear failure?

Ruth Rogers is on a mission: To support and celebrate realistic beauty. Since 2006, she’s been collecting real people’s stories about their real bodies, a selection of which are then performed by celebrities on stage in her Body Gossip shows. She’s had two sell-out London shows and one at the Edinburgh Festival, she’s taken the project to the Clothes Show, and the National Osteoporosis Society are investing to help the project become part of the school curriculum.

She’s enjoying great success – but in the early days, she was convinced she would eventually fail. “I knew I had a fantastic idea with huge potential… but I also felt utterly incapable of succeeding. This project totally relied on me and my confidence to pull it off.”

She attended my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop back in 2008. “This workshop made me realize that the biggest thing holding me back was my perception of failure as inevitable; back then, failure seemed like the safest option.” In practical terms, her new outlook helped her to cold-call celebrities’ agents with every hope of success, rather than the expectation of failure.

Do you hold back, avoiding the possibility of failing?

Here are FOUR ways to bypass fear of failure, taken from Ruth’s journey:

1. Take a risk, with back-up options in mind

“The first show we put on sold out two weeks before the show. I took a complete gamble and rebooked the venue for six weeks later, without telling the cast. I thought: ‘If I can’t get this cast, I’ll get another cast’. On the night itself, I announced to the whole audience that it was running again… and would the cast like to do it again? They agreed on the spot.”

2. Allow others to help

“In the beginning, the project was completely on my shoulders – if I stopped doing it, then it would stop. That’s not the case anymore: I’ve got a team of people. One’s working on a photography book, another is organizing a schools campaign. It means I can do the bits I do best.”

3. Take the responsibility off your shoulders

“I was terrified of success because I feared it would mean I would suddenly be held up as this body image role model. I don’t have that responsibility now because we have an amazing spokesperson, Natasha Devon, who represents us and so now Body Gossip can get as famous as it wants but I won’t! I no longer have the fear of ruining the project by being rubbish.”

4. Find an empowered perspective

“I used to think a “No” was evidence I was no good. Now, when I call to book a celebrity and they say “No”, I genuinely think they just can’t have understood. It’s only one hour, at their convenience, did I not make that clear? It’s such a no-brainer. That kind of failure is simply proof that I haven’t explained it properly. And if it’s a real and definite “No” then I think they’re just too busy now and I’ll get them one day! I see failure as time for another dialogue, it’s a cue to rise to the challenge.”

The possibility of failure exists down every path but Ruth knows her ‘passion project’, as she calls it, is too important to let that stop her.

How much more success would be possible for YOU… if you didn’t let fear of failure stop you?

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Is yours a ‘passion project’? What actions are you NOT taking because you’re trying to bypass your fear of failure?

2) Apply these four ways to bypass fear of failure. What actions are you now able to move forward with?

3) Let us know how fear of failure blocks you, and how you’re able to bypass that. Leave a comment below and join the discussion.

Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word

* Final call * If you’re ready to be free from YOUR fear of failure, come along to Devon on Sat 7th August and pick up a new perspective on failure.

Click here for more details and to book > >

NB If you want to find out more about Body Gossip, visit http://bodygossip.org and connect on Facebook: http://bodygossip.org/facebook

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My website disappeared last Friday night. I was doing a routine upgrade of WordPress (my blogging software) and suddenly the system crashed, leaving me with one blank page and a message announcing there had been a ‘fatal error’. I stared at the screen in horror. I tried various routes into the back-end of the website but I could no longer get access. The ‘virtual home’ that I’d spent a year and a half developing, that was packed full of resources, articles, testimonials, photos and videos…. Gone?

I went immediately into a cold sweat, praying that I’d done a recent back-up correctly. I tried my web developer (Adam) by phone, email and Facebook, aware that I probably sounded pretty hysterical in my messages. No response. What if he was on holiday? I found that I was crying – and even as I did so, the Observer part of me simply watched, curious that it felt like I was grieving, like I was experiencing a mortal loss.

I phoned Jason, my business mentor, hoping he might have alternative contact details for Adam. He didn’t, but he was calm and steady and said this to me: “You don’t have enough information to panic.” He was right, of course. I didn’t. I had no idea what had happened and was actually panicking because I didn’t have enough information. In that foggy, adrenalin-fueled state, it simply felt like I was in Worst Case Scenario mode… without me actually thinking through what was so ‘worst case’ about it.

And as quickly as it had emerged, the panic disappeared. I’d realized there was nothing more I could do. The messages had all been placed, all I could do was wait – and at that moment of realization, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It suddenly seemed like I was on holiday, like the feeling I get when I go away from email for a few days and leave an autoresponder in my place. I couldn’t tweak my website, I couldn’t refer people to it, I couldn’t tweet about it. I no longer had my main virtual home… and it was, in a strange way, like I’d been set free.

It got me curious about quite how much I’ve invested in my online presence generally. To have a similar emotional feeling of loss and grief and panic at a website fail as I would if I’d heard a loved one had a medical problem….? Yep, something to explore there.

I even started to wonder about the opportunities here… What if this meant I got to redesign my website from scratch? There was real joy in the possibility of a fresh start – a new brand, a new look. I also felt a deep sense of respect for techie dudes. I’ve always been in awe of people who have skill sets so different from mine – and here it felt even one step further: like Adam was a doctor, waiting to operate on someone very precious to me, and I just had to trust him.

And ultimately, this experience reminded me that there are other forces at work in this universe. It’s not just me and I’m so not in control. If my website goes off line for 24 hours, or 24 months, then it’s because I’m not meant to have a website right now. I can feel safe within the parameters that reality sets for me. If I genuinely can’t do something, then it’s because I’m not meant to be doing it.

So… a fatal error… failure – as freedom? As an opportunity? As a wake-up call? How about those for some new perspectives.

Oh – and in case you’re wondering, I woke up the next morning and my website was back on line. Adam had fixed it in 9 minutes. I was only mildly disappointed that I didn’t have to start over

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) What has recently crashed or failed in your world? What’s just not working out the way you’d like? What are you afraid will come tumbling down?

2) Fully explore the ‘worst case scenario’. Take the situation to its furthest point. What has actually happened or what would actually happen? What would that mean? And what then?

3) We all know examples of people who say redundancy was the best thing that happened to them, or who had to move house for some tragic reason… which then led to them meeting the love of their life. What evidence do you have – from yourself and from others – of when a so-called failure turned out to be a blessing in disguise?

4) Leave a comment below and let’s start a discussion….

Failure As Freedom – Can You Buy It?

What would it be like to see failure as freedom? Or if you can’t quite go there… perhaps as simply feedback, or as a sign you’re human and that weird, crazy stuff sometimes happens in this world of ours?

The Fail Is Not A Four Letter workshop has been very popular over the years, helping people to move from fear and panic around failure… to seeing it as part of the journey or something to be proud of (you’re out of your comfort zone, taking risks, after all).

If it feels like you could do with a new perspective on failure, click here > > (yep, the webpage should be up and running – but you never know!) and if you can make 7th August down in Devon (England), then join us. Find the yellow ‘Buy Now’ button to book your place. NB EarlyBird price until 16th July.

Want to receive these blog posts direct to your inbox, plus hear about special offers? Simply subscribe for free here > >

So much in life can feel like a battle. Traffic, humidity, computer failure; arguments, deadlines and illness. We supposedly live in a fast-paced competitive age where we have to fight to keep up, fight against time and only the ruthless will survive. We’re besieged with internal fears and doubts and it can feel like there are minefields everywhere: Will I say the wrong thing? Will I forget my tickets? Will he shout at me again?

Both within us and outside us, it can feel like a war zone of noise and struggle and fear.

If this is ringing all too familiar a bell, take a deep breath. I mean: a really deep breath. Pause here and breathe in. Hold it. And now out. In again – really deeply… and now out – and feel yourself letting go, even if just a little. Make a noise as you exhale. As you keep breathing, allow yourself to notice what’s actually happening in your body. How are your shoulders? How’s your neck? How’s your stomach? Be present to the pace you’re moving at, be present to the piles of paper around you, to the anxiety about an argument that’s brewing, a disaster waiting to happen around the corner. Just notice all the symptoms of your own personal battle field, just notice it all – and keep breathing.

Now: What can move you out of the war zone and into a place of peace and safety? I actually found myself in battle mode with the first drafts of this blog post and found that these strategies helped (the first two you’ve experienced if you followed along above):

1) Deep breaths. So often we hold our breath or breathe shallowly as a result of feeling stressed or put upon, which leads to a vicious cycle of stress and anxiety. Place your attention on your breathing and notice how the impact ripples out.

2) Cultivating the Observer. Our war zone places can feel like being caught up in an a computer game – they’re all-engrossing and addictive. As we develop the capacity to notice and witness, we can calmly stand back, detached from the drama and the frenzy.

3) Disconnect from technology. Click ‘shut down’, if only briefly, and find a more human pace, maybe by going into nature, writing by hand rather than online, or phoning rather than texting.

4) Meditate or pray. Take time out, *especially* when it feels that you don’t have time for it. Sink into a deeper truth, an all-encompassing sense of safety. If you’re in turmoil, ask for guidance – and listen for the answer. Here’s a beautiful quote from Einstein: ‘When the solution is simple, God is answering’.

5) Connect with others from the heart. When we’re in battle mode, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing others as objects who are either in our way or who we can use to get something from. As you use these other strategies to recover a sense of peace for yourself, look at your relationships with fresh eyes. What are others around you struggling with? In what ways are they battle-weary? With your own heart more at peace, feel the love and compassion that it’s wanting to express and enact.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Every so often, ask yourself the question: “Right now, am I at war… or am I at peace?” When you’re feeling in battle mode, follow these five strategies. Notice what’s most effective at shifting you from war to peace.

2) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know: When do you find yourself at war? What kind of weapons do you start to stockpile? (e.g. Do you stop co-operating? Do you list evidence of others’ wrongs?) How do you make enemies and allies of the people around you? How do you see the world when you feel you’re at war? And then – what’s different when you make your way back to peace?

Who Are You At War With?

If you’re like many of us, you find yourself in conflict with certain people. Perhaps it’s with your boss, your partner, a friend, a colleague, your child or your parent. Perhaps you have huge flaring rows, or perhaps you both simmer in silence – either way, essentially it feels as if you are at war with this person.

Help is at hand… With 1-1 coaching, we take a whole life approach. So even though our focus may be ‘I want to find what I’m passionate about’ or ‘I want to turn my passion into a profitable business’, the chances are that relationships will crop up as an area where you feel stuck or frustrated – and by addressing these challenges, you can unblock your path forward.

Find out more here > > – and if you sense this could be the kind of support you’ve been looking for, complete the form you’ll find on that page to book your consultation.

Want to receive these blog posts direct to your inbox, plus hear about special offers? Simply subscribe for free here > >

I invited a lot of people to my birthday party. About a week before the event, I received a flurry of messages: “I can’t make it after all”, “There’s a clash”. A quiet, scared voice started tugging at me: “But… what if no-one turns up??”

If you’ve ever thrown a party, organized a work do or put on an event, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to identify with that feeling of growing panic. No matter how organized you are, how far in advance you make preparations or how brilliant the event will be, ultimately who turns up is out of your control. Even if your event is fully booked, things happen: People get sick, snow falls, cars break down, other priorities show up.

Of course it’s inconvenient. It might involve a financial loss. But why does it hurt SO much?

Here’s a little illustration…

At age 13, I was stood up. I’d been asked on a date and made my way to the cinema, full of nerves and excitement. I waited… and I waited. Time passed. In these days before mobile phones, all I could do was wait outside the cinema, watching everyone else going in, with the growing realisation that my date wasn’t turning up. I cried the whole way home, burning up with the shame and embarrassment of rejection.

Teen self-esteem can be tender and vulnerable, often built on others’ approval. People show up = we’re approved of, we’re okay. People don’t show up = we’re not. Although as adults, we may have dismantled this equation and grown in confidence, putting on an event can trigger that teenage pain.

So what do we do? Should we avoid putting on events?

Here are three tips:

1) Set yourself up for success

There are certain practices which stack the odds in favour of your event being a success. I put the word out about my birthday party a long time in advance and then didn’t really mention it until the week before. In my experience, there’s an optimal time frame between too lengthy notice and too short notice. Experiment and find what works for the people you want to invite: How far in advance do they put events in their diaries?

You’ll see below that I’m promoting a workshop and I’m using a three-tier pricing structure which encourages early registration. I know that people want to come to these workshops so my aim is to make it as easy as possible for them to commit – and ‘putting your money where your mouth is’ makes for a stronger commitment. For me, if I’ve paid for something I’ll go, whereas with a pay-on-the-door event I may opt out at the last minute – even though it would be more beneficial to attend the event. Can you identify with that for yourself? What pricing or promotion strategy could you adopt that would support your invitees in committing to themselves?

2) Know that you might fail

Despite your best efforts, the people you want to attend might simply not turn up. Be present to your emotions around this – perhaps you’ll feel grief, anger or despair. Know that these feelings probably aren’t just about how this particular event is turning out; they have unearthed some old wounds that are now available to you for healing.

3) Take a new perspective on ‘failure’

How do you know what is a failure and what is a blessing in disguise? Choose to adopt a perspective of trust where you believe that whoever shows up is who is meant to show up and that you cannot know the bigger picture. It turned out that 50 beautiful people showed up to my party which felt just right; we enjoyed a wonderful evening of dancing, laughter, good food and great company. When has an event not gone to plan – and that turned out to be even better than you intended?

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) What event would you like to put on? Would others benefit? Use these three tips and commit to making it happen.

2) Leave a comment on this blog post and let us know: What events have you put off, for fear of no-one showing up? How do/could you set your events up for success? How do you manage fears of failure as they arise? What unforeseen pleasant surprises can you inspire us with?

Are You Fearful No-One Will Turn Up?

Do you have an idea for a great event… but haven’t told anyone else about it?

Have you designed a fabulous workshop… but haven’t booked a venue or date yet?

If fear of failure is blocking you, find out more about this workshop taking place in Devon this summer:

Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word - click here > > – and if it sounds like just what you need, do make the most of the Super Early Bird rate.

—–

Reminder: If you’ve been toying with the idea of coaching support, don’t miss this special offer on a 4-session coaching package.

It’s available until 30th June – or until all 10 places have been taken, if that’s earlier. (NB At the time of writing this, four places have already been taken.)

“If people had told me that four coaching sessions would have such a major impact on my life, I wouldn’t have believed them. I’ve now lost count of the number of people who stop me to tell me how well I look and that my old sparkle has returned. More importantly, I’ve rediscovered who I am and truly amazing things are beginning to happen.”

- Liz Gatheral, Architect & Project Manager, Preston

To read Liz’s full testimonial, click here > >

Last week, many of you listened in to the free teleclass I hosted on the topic of decluttering. Fellow coach Sue Rasmussen and I had a fantastic response with 100+ people registering and lots of very enthusiastic comments. If you missed the class, you have until this weekend to sign up to receive the free audio recording.

There was also a very interesting and pervasive obstacle which emerged: “My life is too cluttered to have time to listen to the call, let alone actually declutter!” Most of us are only too familiar with the feeling of being overwhelmed, of having too many juggling balls up in the air at one point. It feels like a Catch 22: we don’t have the time to take action that we suspect would open up more time. We may say to ourselves with firm resolve that we must ‘make’ time or ‘find’ time to declutter.

If we’re being really truthful with language, however, we can see that it is not possible to either ‘make’ or ‘find’ time; the only flexibility we have is how we allocate it. We say “yes” to one thing which means “no” to another. We say “no” to something which means “yes” to something else.

So why would we choose not to allocate time to decluttering? Here’s one big reason: Because there are stories which live in each and every possession of ours – stories we are reluctant to let go of. The pile of clothes reminds you of the reality that you’re no longer a size ten. Your files full of dusty papers remind you of projects you haven’t seen through. Your grandmother’s ornaments remind you that someone you love is no longer with you, and the children’s toys in the attic remind you that your little ones have flown the nest. And so given the finite nature of time, and given that it’s all about choosing how you allocate that time, it’s no surprise that our first choice would NOT be to allocate time to something potentially painful or uncomfortable.

So should we just not do it? What payoff could possibly make it worth delving into the potential pain of those stories?

“Lots and lots of peace and calm”, says Karen, who’s just gutted her entire house to make way for relocation to California. “I’ve been able to look at old memories in a different light, to examine them and let them go physically so I can now laugh at them rather than feel sadness”. Joey, a Sustainability Masters student, has found: “It makes you feel mentally freer – it liberates you. Also, that stuff might be of use to someone else”. Having recently cleared out four big bags of clothes, Sam – a busy teacher – says she feels uplifted by the big gap in her wardrobe: “I feel less clogged up and less dictated to by my stories. It also feels good to know a charity will be making money out of those items. What I particularly like is that my brain is so full with work demands… but I’m in control here. I can go into my wardrobe and make decisions in a way I can’t in my job”.

Peace, feeling in charge, calm, letting go, more space and freedom. Perhaps worth taking a deep breath and delving in….?

When you decide to allocate time to decluttering, you’ll want to be happy with the end result – and also enjoy the process. Find someone to work with you who can be firm and ask the right questions at the right time AND who gives you space and time to reflect and reminisce without feeling guilty or rushed. Together, you want to be compassionate with the stories which bubble up, instead of judging them.

No suitable declutter buddy jumping to mind? Read on for support options…

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) To receive a free audio recording of the teleclass, click here > > Listen to the end of the class for details of Sue’s ‘Streamline Your Success’ programme and how that can support you.

2) If you’re already having coaching with me, or are thinking about it, then ask to dedicate a session to one area of clutter in your life. This might be physical clutter; it might be time clutter or mental clutter. We’ll explore the stories which emerge so that we can move you into more space, more peace and more freedom.

If you’re not yet receiving coaching support and would like to book a session now, click here > > and then click through on the yellow ‘Buy Now’ button. Alternatively, click here > > to book a consultation to discuss longer-term coaching support.

3) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know about your experiences with decluttering. What’s it been like to confront old memories and painful stories? What do you find hardest to let go – and easiest? What do you think is stopping you from addressing the clutter in your life right now?

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2010

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When you’re in employment, your manager tells you what to do. When you’re self-employed, you make all the decisions. Either way, it’s a clever person making clever decisions. Right?

I’m just back from the Findhorn Foundation where decision-making comes in a different form. Before every activity, the process of ‘attunement’ is used: a group gathers, joins hands to connect with each other, and then spends some time in quiet reflection, accessing wisdom about what is to be done. The results which the community produces are remarkable: peacefully gardening and cooking for hundreds of people, being a world-renowned eco-village and international hub of learning, community-owned assets such as wind turbines, and a general sense of harmonious communal living. These outcomes are attributed to what is referred to as ‘deep inner listening’ and also ‘co-creation with nature’. Eileen Caddy, one of the founders of Findhorn, received constant guidance about next steps from what she called ‘the still small voice within’.

What is YOUR version of this?

We have so many options for how we personally refer to this deeper level of decision-making. Here follows a few terms; scan the list to see which you most relate to or use these as prompts to connect with concepts that work for you:

- collective wisdom

- higher self

- the bigger picture

- the goodness of humanity

- the unknown, the mysterious

- inner knowing

- Source, the Divine, God

- heart to heart connection

- gut feeling, intuition, instinct

Whatever description you’d use, notice what helps you feel most ‘tuned in’. Is it when you’re by the side of a river or with a group of close friends? In intimate moments? When laughing, singing or dancing? When you have a sense of timelessness, fully absorbed in an activity? Do you access it when in silent meditation or prayer, or when in the hustle-bustle of a big city? Do you feel tuned in when with animals or with children, or when you’re talking through an issue with someone unconditionally loving?

Finally, what kind of decision would you make right now if you tuned in to this as your ‘boss’? And how might you ensure that you return to this deeper level of decision-making on a regular basis?

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Go through each section above, reflecting on: What do you want to tune in to? How do you most easily tune in to it? What decision could it help you make right now? And how could you make tuning-in a regular part of your life?

2) Keep a journal or simply notice what is different about this deeper level of decision-making.

3) Leave a comment below on this blog post, letting us know: What do you access when it comes to a deeper level of decision-making? What’s it like when you tune in, and what’s it like when you don’t? Perhaps you’ve tried various tools or access routes over the years – what has worked for you and what hasn’t? What perhaps scares or confuses you about a deeper level of decision-making?

* FINAL CALL: Kickstart Your Venture *

There’s a workshop happening this Saturday: Kickstart Your Venture. It’s for anyone who wants to start a business or similar project, or wants a booster with their existing one, and who wants to get the basics in place, to feel inspired and motivated, and to get into action. Click here > > to find more information and the opportunity to book your place and practise ‘tuning in’ to see if this feels like the right workshop for you at this time.

A few other offerings to tune in to…

– One-to-one coaching.

Does it feel like a long time since you accessed your own wisdom?

Do you have a gut feeling that it’s time to make changes in your working life but are struggling to know where to start?

Are you feeling alone and craving some support?

Find out more about one-to-one coaching here > > and if you feel drawn to this, you can book a one-hour initial ‘discovery’ session straight away or you can use the form online to book a free consultation to discuss what would be most useful for you right now.

- Experience Weeks at Findhorn

I had a profoundly transformational experience at Findhorn and would highly recommend the Experience Week to anyone who is craving connection with nature, with Self and with others. Find out more here > >

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2010

Want to receive these blog posts direct to your inbox, plus hear about special offers? Simply subscribe for free here > >