Another day, a little more dread. You can’t bring yourself to look at the situation because of fear, shame or anxiety.

Perhaps it’s your finances, or a relationship. A room in your house that’s got over-cluttered, a health concern, or a looming deadline that you know you can’t realistically meet.

I want to share with you a process you can use to clear the situation up. It’s the process I used to turn around the uptake of my last workshop, where I went from having two participants to ten participants in less than two weeks, and regained my sense of peace.

1. What’s going on?
If you’re ignoring what’s happening and just hoping it will get better, it’s time to come out of ostrich mode. What are the facts, what is the truth? With my workshop, I allowed myself to feel the angst I was experiencing and also acknowledged that I might need to cancel. What are you feeling and what is the down-and-dirty reality here?

2. What else is true?
When the facts are out in the open, your gremlins will love to pounce. (Hint: This may well be the reason you told yourself it was better to keep things under wraps in the first place.) Gremlins are hungry for the very worst, the very harshest. With my workshop, they were delightedly keen to focus on all the empty space, on all those people who hadn’t enrolled. Now is the time to seek out some alternative points of view. How did I know, for example, that two wasn’t the ideal number?! Could I say for sure that a dozen participants would be better? There’s an inspirational urban legend about U2 once playing a gig for just four people. This step is about relinquishing our role as master of the universe and conceding that we don’t know the bigger picture and we don’t have control over outcome.

3. Who can help?
It’s vital to break the painful coziness of keeping secrets. Instead, tell the truth, reach out and ask for help. Part of you desperately won’t want this – it will freak out and scream: “What are you doing!? You can’t reveal this!” Just quietly get on with doing it anyway, choosing your confidantes wisely and knowing that there is safety in honesty. I was nervous about admitting in my last blog post that there were low numbers for the workshop because I didn’t want those who’d signed up to be concerned. I was moved when one of them emailed me immediately saying: “However many people attend, it’s gonna be a wonderful workshop”. You may be surprised by the kindness of strangers – and of the not so strange.

4. What are my strategies now?
Fear can keep us absolutely paralysed. Once we’ve acknowledged the fear, loosened the hold of our one-track gremlins and told the truth about the situation, it’s now time to get into action. I committed to pulling out all the stops in my last-minute promotion of the workshop. I wrote some new copy, blogged about it, asked people to recommend the workshop to friends, went on local radio (which you can listen to here), sent the blurb to online publications, tweeted about it, shared the link on Facebook, followed up with people who had expressed an interest. It worked. What are the strategies for your situation? If you don’t know what might work, others will. Seek out a debt advisor, a professional decutterer, a book on healthy relationships etc.

Honesty, cleaning up and returning to action can feel incredibly scary – yet it’s just one part of us which is scared. Another part of us has a constant and unerring sense of safety because it knows that our safety is a given and doesn’t come from any external circumstances – and that part of us will lead us back to peace.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Choose an area of your life where you’re experiencing that nagging sense of unease. Now use the four questions to face the truth, get into action, and recover your peace.

2) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know how this process works for you. Is this a new way of approaching a murky situation? Which steps do you find hardest, and which come easily?

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2010

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Found an area you really want to clean up?

Many people will have made a new year’s resolution with the intention of sorting out a troublesome area and then watched it fall by the wayside. It’s important to know that change is often big and complex and there might be some vital parts of the journey missing – like honestly acknowledging where you’re starting from.

The New Way Resolutions e-course walks you through a step-by-step process for making an actual change.

Click here to find out more about this process and how it could help you. NB There’s a special offer on until 31st January 2010…

I’m leading my first teleclass series at the moment. My experience before the first class was decidedly uncomfortable; I was full of nerves and a torrent of concerns; Would the conference line work? Had I given everyone the right number? What if my phone battery died? What if my printer ink cartridge ran out and I couldn’t print my notes? What if… What if… ?

After the first call, I ran around my house, shrieking with euphoric relief. I loved it and could hardly bear that I had to wait a whole week until I got to do it again. I’d broken the seal on a brand new bottle of delights: a new experience, a new territory I’d opened up for myself.

Often, people hire me because they are fed up of being stuck in same-old land, where there are no firsts and indeed great fear of firsts.

What helps them break the seal and crack open the new?

Here are five strategies I’ve seen work:

1. Create a deadline. Publicise a date and commit to some accountability. Manoeuvre yourself into a hard-to-back-out-of situation where you don’t want to let someone down who is depending on you. Let go of the tendency to overanalyze the deadline – you may be surprised by what you can achieve in a short time-span; as Parkinson’s Law states: “Work expands so as to fill time available”. There can be a tendency to over-prepare for a first experience which is why casual deadlines get pushed back and back until they fade away and become forgotten about. And catch yourself trying to back out of deadlines with seemingly valid excuses. Only one person has signed up? Go ahead anyway.

2. Acknowledge that fear is normal. We don’t often see people doing things for the first time. The actress on stage, the seasoned teacher, the accomplished public speaker all seem so polished. But they had a first time too and back then, they were probably terrified. When your fear kicks in, take that as a sign that you’re normal and that you’re moving into new territory.

3. Think ahead. Get out of the now. It’s easy to get blinkered tunnel-vision when all that surrounds you is the fear of doing this for the first time. Ask yourself: What will it be like in an hour? At 6pm? Next week? That future version of you will be on the other side of this situation, having done it and for that future you, this experience will have been worth it.

4. Rely on a champion. If you were the captain of a ship and announced that you were taking the ship into unchartered territory, your crew might become justifiably anxious. They might even mutiny. You want someone there with you, as your unconditionally supportive mate, steadying your hand and believing in your choice of new direction. At the moment, the odds are stacked in favour of the familiar; you need someone to help tilt that balance.

5. Grow your evidence. Every time I do something new for the first time, I sit there with the fear and ask myself: “Corrina, why on earth are you doing this to yourself again?!” I imagine it’s the same question a long-distance runner asks themselves half-way through a race. Why do we do it? Because ultimately the pleasure and satisfaction are far greater than the discomfort. As your bank of evidence grows, you’ll see more clearly that the pay-off from a new first-time is worth that initial discomfort.

Familiarity is a tempting comfort blanket, wrapping us up in the boundaries that we’ve marked out for our existing life. Deep down, that’s not where we really want to stay. We want to be the person who has done the new thing, who has it behind us, and who is now basking in the new territory.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) The action this week is simple yet it’s no mean feat. Use the five strategies above to support you in committing to do something for the first time. Set a deadline that it’d be hard to get out of, expect the fear, project to the future satisfaction, choose someone as your champion, and watch your evidence start growing.

2) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know how you find first times. Which of these strategies do you already use? What else might help? When have pay-offs been worth the initial discomfort? And how do you remind yourself of that when the fear kicks in?

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

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Simply subscribe here.

Want A Different Kind Of Christmas Present This Year?

Fed up of the same old CD, book and pair of pyjamas under the Christmas tree?

You might like to ask for a present from You Inspire Me this year. You could get an e-course to help with your new year resolution (£7.50), a place on a workshop to combat your fear of failure or kickstart your venture (£35 – £45), a one-to-one session (£75), or a coaching journey of eight sessions (£600).

No snazzy vouchers as yet but simply send an email to your loved one with the relevant webpage link and a little ‘pretty please’ note at the bottom and they can fill out the relevant booking or enquiry form and play Santa.

Along with loss of financial security, one of the top concerns I hear from women who are contemplating a new path is the challenge of having to start from scratch.

It’s understandable. In your existing profession, you’ve built up years of experience and a solid reputation. You’re known and you know your systems so well you could run them with your eyes closed.

Perhaps you’re a teacher who has accumulated years of schemes of work and lesson plans, or an HR manager who has built hundreds of relationships.

You know you’re good at your work and you can’t quite bring yourself to turn your back on all that groundwork to go back to square one with a different venture or industry.

It’s the same reason we don’t leave relationships or move house, even when we know they’re not ideal. We’ve invested a lot in the status quo and we’re fearful, believing better the devil we know. Our existing situation isn’t ideal – but it’s good enough.

Right?

Wrong. ‘Good enough’ isn’t good enough.

It’s not okay that you get that sinking feeling in your tummy on Sunday evenings. It’s not good enough that you’re getting frequent migraines, colds, back pain and eye strain.

You’re too precious to waste your life, to let your creativity stagnate, your idealism fade away. You know you want to be doing something more meaningful, making more of a difference – so it’s time to find ways of dealing with the loss involved.

As you may have spotted, I’m in a process of major transition at the moment. Creating my new website has meant letting go of the old one; shifting my email communications to a new automated system means I’m guaranteed to lose some of my previous subscribers.

The truth is – if we’re committed to moving forward, we WILL lose certain things along the way. In order to embrace the new, we’ll leave some things behind AND we won’t leave everything. What is important is to decide: What is worth holding on to? and What is holding us back?

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Whether it’s leaving a job or changing an aspect of your existing venture, take pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and answer: What are the main aspects you’re reluctant to lose? What are you intending to gain? Then, assess honestly: Does the expected gain make the loss worth it?

2) Choose a metaphor for this transition that inspires you. Perhaps it’s that you’re leaving one island and swimming to another. Build into this metaphor the key aspects you’re taking with you – certain skills, people or ways of working – that will help you on the journey and be useful when you get to the other island.

3) Contribute to the discussion, letting us know how you deal with loss and letting go.

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009. All rights reserved.

* Workshop: Kickstart Your Venture

You may be a ‘leap and the net will appear’ believer, or you may feel more comfortable with having a tangible plan. Either way, you need space to articulate your idea for a new venture and the Kickstart Your Venture workshop has been designed for this purpose. Click here for more information and to book your place.

We used to sleep in the loft. The previous owners had it converted into a beautiful bedroom space that many our visitors have made appreciative noises about. However, the designers neglected to include heating so for four years we shivered through cold winter nights. This week we finally admitted that much as we’d tried, it just wasn’t working for us. It was time for a change, time to take ownership so we pulled the bed apart and moved it down to the first floor. Other rooms had to be gutted and rearranged to compensate which was hard work but very much worth it. Our primary goal has been attained – we’re cosier and more comfortable – and there have been extra benefits too. We want to invite people round more, it’s better for our relationship, and I’ve got a more organised office space.The house just makes more sense this way round, with rooms having more appropriate roles, and we’ve felt much more inclined to tidy and clean (I’ve turned into a super-proud domestic goddess, in fact).

Change isn’t always easy, pleasant or beautiful. Sometimes we have to create a mess before we get things in order. If you’d taken a snapshot of us trying to squeeze the mattress down our spiralling staircase or the two of us attempting a four-burly-men reassembly job, then you’d have thought we were worse off than if we’d still been in that cold bedroom. My clients experience this too. Sometimes they risk a change and things don’t go brilliantly at first: a new kind of work is far more exhausting than the previous one, they take brave moves and others don’t respond well or they sell their house and the eco-community they dreamed of finding doesn’t emerge.

This is why it’s so important to remember that finding and following our passion is a journey. There will be wrong turns… and also right turns which go up hills before we can sail down the other side. There may be chaos initially and things can look worse before they get better. This is why I love the metaphor of a sliding puzzle which you’ll see as the image above. The picture could look 90% right but if we want the picture to be complete, something has to give. We have to change some thing, make the move and risk dismantling and rearranging if we want to really go for what we want.

The World Needs Your Passion, so…

What one thing could you change? What could be reallocated or rearranged to get things moving in the direction you want? For example, reallocating ten minutes of your day to meditation or planning, asking to reduce your employed hours to four days a week or turning the corner of a room into a mini home office. Make a list of options and then do one. What happens when you change one thing? Let us know….

©  Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Want to change something… but scared of failing? **

Every time we change something, there’s a chance we’ll fail. How are you with that possibility? For many of us, failing is not an option we embrace and so we stay stuck, not taking that risk. The impact? Stagnation, abandoned projects, bottom line = not achieving what we want to achieve or being as happy or fulfilled as we know we can be. Click here to find out more about a workshop that will change this for you.

Behind the scenes, my website is in revamp, automated systems are being put in place, and I’m growing a team – all of which will allow me to communicate my work more easily and give me more time to develop and deliver services I love.

And as I’ve been putting these new plans and procedures in place, my Saboteur has been having a field day. [Saboteur = that part of us which wants to keep things as they are, not rock the boat, and therefore sabotage any forward movement]. His stance is that change is a bad thing and he drags me down, telling me that these changes must mean that everything I’ve done before has failed, been wrong. He would love to convince me it’s all too much, to throw out the baby with the bath water. When he’s in charge, I feel wobbly, even despairing.

Thankfully, over the years I’ve become intimately acquainted with his strategies and when he allows me a moment to breathe, I can eventually shake him off and put ME back in control. Anyone else recognise that feeling? Just as you often feel clearer after a cold has passed, so too with the banishment of good old Sab.

I feel refreshed and stronger now, like something stagnant and toxic has been washed out of my system. Without the distorted vision he gives me, I can now see that it’s time for celebration. I am standing clearly in the acknowledgement that I run a rapidly-evolving business and it’s time to hire people and put robust systems in place for the next phase. I’ve seen too many amazing businesses fail because they weren’t functioning as businesses. They positioned themselves as community services and didn’t take that leap into solid professionalism.

Just as Obama’s inauguration speech focused on the dawning of responsible maturity, so too for me it is time to put off any childish, amateurish ways. You’ll soon see a cleaned up website, fully hosted under my own domain name; a request for you to opt-in to a new email list; automation of e-courses & digital product delivery; sexy incorporation of audio and video; and perhaps even a few new names and faces as the You Inspire Me team.

Yes – You Inspire Me just grew up.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) What does YOUR Saboteur have to say about you making changes, growing up, evolving? How do you ensure you move forward anyway?

2) Inquiry: What do I need to give myself permission to do?

3) Action: Take the next step forward, noticing and bypassing your Saboteur’s efforts to stop you.

4) Share your comments on this blog post.

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

* Kickstart Your Venture: A Community Workshop

Time to grow up? Time to get serious about your idea and take the next step towards turning it into reality? Find out more about this kickstart workshop: click here.

I started these blog posts on May 2nd 2006. There’s a year of such ponderings archived on my blogspot site reflecting my own journey and the insights I’ve received from family, friends and clients. They represent a year of connections with a group of people who read my words and take something from them.

As you will have noticed, they’ve kind of trailed off in the recent months. I still have plenty to say but the pull to convey them in this format isn’t there anymore. It’s feeling like a chore – and when that happens, I know it’s an alert to look and reassess. There’s a different way to meet the intention that this blog was set up for and I feel drawn to look there.

When we clear what no longer fits us, we make room for what does. Recently I’ve been doing more and more work in person with teenagers – at schools, youth groups, youth conferences etc – and am reminded of how ‘me’ this kind of work is, how ‘me’ it’s always been. It’s time for me to realign with that and have the writing I do connect more specifically with those interactions.

My coach training was really good on the importance of ‘completion’ – on ending things cleanly and with integrity. On saying whatever needs saying in order to put a satisfying full stop at the end of what we’ve been involved with, instead of letting it fade or trickle away.

So in terms of this blog, this is over and out from me. Thank you for ‘Doing Things Differently’ with me – for the comments I’ve received, ideas I’ve been given, simply for the opportunity to write and be read.

I would love for you to be part of the new projects as they arise so I will stay in touch as long as you want me to

Enjoy your final Inquiry & Action and feel free to leave a comment, letting me know what you come up with.

With much love, Corrina

The World Needs Your Passion, So...

1) Inquiry: What have I grown out of?

2) Action: Take an audit of your life. Scan for what is there simply because it’s always been there, or because it feels routine or comfortable. Maybe clothes, people, projects, jobs, ways of doing things, furniture, your home, your car, or the way you travel to college or work. When you’ve identified an aspect of your life you’ve grown out of, consider how you want to complete with it. Is there a conversation to be had? A physical clear out? A change of attitude, or different action to take? Notice what happens for you energetically when you let go of what no longer fits you and make room for what will.