What do you do when things go pear-shaped?

Many of us have been feeling an abundance of challenges lately with the recession and with environmental and societal crises. There’s a lot that doesn’t feel safe about our world and it can be tempting to withdraw and struggle along quietly and alone, which in turn can increase our sense of isolation, despair or panic. All this, of course, on top of the usual challenges of being human.

Danielle Mills felt the impact of the recession on her business, BrightSpark Recruitment. After a brilliant initial two years, which she describes as “everything I thought it would be”, times got tough. She found that cash-flow became very difficult and she was terrified that she wouldn’t be able to pay her workers; she saw many others in her industry fall by the way and she would wake up with dread, wondering: “What do I have to face today?”

She is now breathing a tentative sigh of relief; work has dramatically picked up and she is celebrating her fifth year of self-employment. So what kept her going through what she describes as a “painful, awful time”?

Well, she made some classic business-savvy manoeuvres like watching trends in her industry and diversifying accordingly. She made her motto: “In the quietest time, make sure you’re shouting loudest”. She also kept a long-term perspective so that when the current day was hard, she thought forward to a time when it would be easier again.

But what struck me most about Danielle’s story is how human she allowed herself to be and how able she was to acknowledge that she was really struggling. She leant into her networks, both offline and online, and directly asked for help. She was able to say “This is massive and hard – anyone else feeling that?” and she received both empathy and practical advice. She surrounded herself with what she calls “realistically positive” comrades and as well as receiving help, she also looked for opportunities where she could help others. She was honest with her workers, explaining how difficult the situation was and not promising anything, and she went the extra distance with the companies on her books – reaching out and offering her expertise to help them. She invested a huge amount of time and energy, without immediate financial gain, in order to ease others’ situations and build relationships.

Underneath all of this is the foundation that she is passionate about what she does. She has been fiercely persistent and doggedly determined because she knows that her work helps people and brings them peace of mind. She gets immense satisfaction from the impact she has on people and says that while there are still “loads of challenges”, the benefits outweigh them.

No-one said that following our passion would be easy. Turbulence and turmoil are part of the course, even before you’ve thrown in the economic challenges and others around us. If we want to do what we love, we would be wise to develop our resilience and our unique approach to hard times. What do we want these struggles to mean? Perhaps they bring us closer to others. Perhaps they help us become more compassionate and understanding of others’ pain. Perhaps they reveal to us qualities we hadn’t realized we had. Perhaps they simply remind us that we are all human and we’re all in this together.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Where are you really struggling? What do you need to ask for help with? Who can you ask and how can you ask them? What would stop you from doing this?

2) What about the people around you who are struggling? How can you help them? What would stop you from doing this?

3) Scroll down and leave a comment on this blog post and let us know: Do you find it easier to ask for help or to offer it? How are you with admitting that you’re struggling? How easy do you find it to witness other people’s struggles?

What are you fearful about struggling with that would stop you from starting your own venture? In the Kickstart Your Venture workshop, we explore possible obstacles – both internal and external – that you and the other workshop participants have. Together, we then find ways for you to approach these so that they don’t stop you from creating the venture you’re passionate about. Find out more & book your place here > > >

Not around for the workshop or prefer one-to-one support? Find out how individual coaching can help you here > > >

Danielle was interviewed recently as part of my Inspirational 100 project. Find out more & get involved here > > >

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2010

Want to receive these blog posts direct to your inbox, plus hear about special offers? Simply subscribe for free here > >

The BBC2 documentary Future Of Food has been the most recent wake-up call for me. When we discover how unsustainable our food supply is, it can be tempting to hit SNOOZE and roll over. Last week, my SNOOZE button no longer seemed to work. The gravity of the situation hit me the way a wave does – throwing me up and making it hard for me to find ground. In this disorientation, my work felt negligible; my ‘little bit’ washed away in the vastness of the problem, with only one huge question for company: “How on Earth do we remedy a system as dysfunctional as this?”

I’ve returned to ground, thank goodness, with renewed commitment to the Transition Town movement and to local food. As a result of watching this documentary, have we as a nation radically altered our diet and how we source our food? I don’t know. Fascinating studies have been done on how we respond to bad news; specialists like Chris Johnstone explain how our psyche responds to such a threat by turning our heads the other way and sending us into denial and disengagement. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s that if we can’t grasp an obvious solution, we don’t wan’t – or can’t bear – to know.

In the archetypal ‘hero’s journey’ (as mapped out by Joseph Campbell), there is The Call and then immediately there is The Refusal Of The Call. Of course, this makes sense – a wake up call, by definition, alerts us to the fact that something must change in our world.

In my work with Contribution Footprints, I see us not as cowards who simply resist change, but rather as people who initially (a) don’t know how to change, and (b) don’t believe we are significant enough for our change to make a difference. This is why I believe so much in the Contribution Footprint model, whereby we acknowledge a real and present problem, acknowledge simultaneously that we ARE significant, and find ways of being effective, thereby finding our ground once more. Then… we can get to work.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Inquiry: What have been your most powerful wake-up calls to date? How did you initially respond to the call? What helped you over the resistance?

2) Inquiry: What calls are you hearing now? What resources would help you now in responding powerfully?

3) Action: Use what you discover to decide on a way of acknowledging and dealing with the resistance… and then taking the next action step.

4) Leave a comment on this blog post, letting us know what you discover.

Found this post challenging? Helpful? Inspiring? Irritating? Leave a comment and let us know.

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

Kickstart Your Venture – A Community Workshop

Have you got an idea for a venture which could make a difference?

Do you keep hearing the call, and keep resisting?!

Then please – for your sake and ours! – book your place on the Kickstart Your Venture workshop on Sat 10th October. Join with others to combat resistance and take the first steps with what is probably a much-needed solution for our world. For more information and to book, click here.

Heart of Business Momentum – Free Teleclass

Are you already in business but it all feels rather tough and clunky?

I’m delighted to announce that my business guru Mark Silver is offering a FREE telecall to help make bringing in clients and income a smoother affair. What I love about Mark is that he shows that being in business isn’t a trade-off: “earn good money” versus “do good work”. Instead, he brings his years of solid business experience AND his solid spiritual practice to help us create truly sustainable ventures. He rarely does these free calls so do register for this one!

Tues 8th Sept, 1pm Pacific Time, 60-90 minutes, registration essential – do so here.

(And I plan to attend so you never know, you may hear my voice piping up in the Q&A section!)

Too often, we find ourselves trapped in patterns which are painful and frustrating. I found myself caught up in one last week and grabbed the opportunity, using my experience as a laboratory in order to offer us this step-by-step guide:

1. Identify The Discomfort, Give It A Name

Your intention is to have a calm, peacefully productive day. A few hours in, however, you notice that you’re stressed. You’ve been on the computer for too long, your to-do list has doubled, your office is becoming increasingly chaotic and you no longer feel in control. Internally, call ‘time out’. Examine your physical experience in this moment. What is literally happening inside you? When I did this, I found a pervasive sense of anxiety, even panic; I was tense, like something was gripping on inside, and my breathing was shallow. I called this Get A Grip.

2. Identify The Intention

Get curious about what’s happening; see your experience as a strategy to meet some intention. A certain part of us is in charge in this moment, using this strategy. What could be its intention? With my Get A Grip, this part of me wants me to do well. It wants me to meet deadlines. It wants me to be in action. It’s doing it in a painful way but that’s the intention. When I reflect, I can see that I’m someone who never misses a deadline. Throughout school, university, post-grad and coach certification, all my assignments were in on time without fail. Now, being self-employed, without the pressure of external deadlines, I can see that this part of me believes I have to exert internal pressure in order to keep being successful. That’s its intention and whether I like it or not, currently this is the strategy it’s employing to meet this intention.

3. Thank This Part

We could call this part of us our Guardian. Wanting me to be successful is a healthy intention so I can thank it for all the times in my life when it has enabled me to get pieces of work in on time. The truth is: something here really works. While I might not enjoy the strategy my Guardian is using, I can acknowledge and be grateful for the intention.

4. Separate The Strategy From The Intention

This is where it starts getting interesting. Our question now is: In order to meet this intention (e.g. achieve success), what strategies are there? We already know our default one e.g. my Get A Grip but there are many others. How could we meet the same intention… in a different (preferable) way?

5. Scan For Evidence Of Other Strategies

I can now explore: When else in my life have I met deadlines but used a different strategy? One example is that I never miss a train but here I use a different strategy: I look at the timings and I book a cab at a specific time in order to meet the train. There’s no emotion involved, no anxiety, it’s clear cut and simple. I can call this strategy Plan And Book. We can keep looking for other possible strategies.

6. Experiment With Another Strategy

This is the time to implement one of the alternative strategies. We may want to place sticky notes around our home or office that remind us of the new one, or we may want to acquire structures to assist e.g. I have a new diary which gives me more space to plan and book. Give the new strategy some time, see if it’s effective. If not, move on and try a different one.

It’s very easy to make the Guardian part of us ‘bad’ and treat it as if it’s unwelcome. My premise is that if we can meet its healthy intention with a different, more preferable, strategy then the Guardian part of us will be reassured and work with us, rather than seemingly against us.

The World Needs Your Passion, So…

1) Choose an area of your life where you feel that your best efforts and intentions are generally subject to self-sabotage. Use this step-by-step guide to gain relief.

2) Leave a comment on this blog, letting us know how you find this process….

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

* You’re Not Alone *

Identifying the different parts of us and their intentions and strategies is an integral part of the individual coaching programme. Click here for more details and to book your free consultation > >

Everyone has a weak spot. Mine? Things breaking.

When a piece of equipment fails or some software doesn’t work properly, a button of mine gets pressed. Some old pattern of not feeling safe in the world gets triggered and I utterly freak out. I have tears, I punch pillows, I tell the world how much I hate it and that I don’t want to have anything to do with it if it’s all going to be so unreliable.

It’s irrational, it’s out of character and I’m almost reluctant to share it – but I’m doing so because I know that we all have our own triggers. One close friend has dyscalculia; figuring out train times, dates and logistics sends her in to a cold sweat. Some of us dread the dentist, others find it hard to be around food; some shake at the thought of speaking in public, others throw wobblies when choosing what to wear; some of us become different versions of ourselves around authority figures and others of us can’t bear criticism and failure.

When our buttons get pressed, here are some options….

#1 Avoid
Ever notice that desire to evacuate… from yourself? When something breaks, I can go into “I cannot deal with this” mode and shut down or disengage in order to protect myself. Others of us – to use the examples above – will avoid meal times, giving talks or travelling.

#2 Delegate
This option is expected in most organisations and it’s important to remember that finding our own path doesn’t mean we have to do everything ourselves. There are certain emails or pieces of paperwork which I simply forward to my web developer or my accountant. Conversely, I’m happy doing activities which others feel less comfortable with, like giving talks or sitting with with
someone who’s crying in total despair. What are we comfortable with that others aren’t? This can be a great clue, revealing to us our niche a.k.a. where we’re most needed.

#3 Turn The Light On
This option is about recognising that often the monster under the bed is scary only because it’s the unknown. I can avoid and delegate all I like but sometimes I’m going to be home alone when a circuit blows and I need to know what to do with that fuse box. It takes a deep breath and a swallow of pride. I need to allow myself to be incompetent and vulnerable and say: “I find this hard. Help me learn” if I am committed to moving forward in an empowered way.

The World Needs Your passion, so…

1) Without judging, scan your life to see: What are your buttons? What triggers your fear, your discomfort, your desire to run and hide? What overwhelms you so much that you short-circuit? What could someone say or do that would spin you off track for the whole rest of the day? What brings you out in a cold sweat? Take a deep breath and just look.

2) Assess how you currently deal with these situations by reading back over the three options I highlight. Do you avoid or reactively delegate? What would be your version of getting up close and personal with that fuse box?

3) Leave a comment, letting us know how you deal with your trigger points….

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Does failure trigger you? **

When you fail at something, do you come up against a default mantra like “I’m no good” or “I should give up”? Or do you attempt to avoid the experience in the first place by sticking with seemingly ‘safe’ paths?

It’s important that we ‘catch’ this mantra, examine it and then ask ourselves: Is this what I choose?

If your current mantra on failing isn’t working for you, grab a place on a Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word workshop (see Workshops section of this website).