Workshop: Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word

How to become friends with failure so that you can enjoy more success

How are you with failure?

You’re reading this because there’s something you want to do in the world. There’s a talent you want to share, a gift you want to express, an idea you want to turn into reality. You want so much to be doing this.. and yet there’s a voice which stops you at every turn:

“What if I try this… and I completely land on my face?”

Failing is an experience which many of us dread. The thought alone can bring us out in a cold sweat and get our heart pounding; the prospect of failing can cause symptoms of anxiety such as sweaty palms and shallow breathing.

Does this sound like you? Are you holding back? Do you have an idea but then get that sinking feeling when you think about starting it?

Best just to avoid failure, right?

For many of us, we have been taught that FAIL is a four letter word – a negative experience, one to be avoided at all costs. If we fail, we try to hide it. We feel embarrassed and ashamed when we remember times in the past when we’ve failed; we wish we could erase them. We also avoid taking action which could lead to failure in the future. We resolve to stick with safe and familiar paths, avoiding potential risk, sidestepping all that pain.

The drawback with these strategies is that they limit the amount of life available to you. When you censor the past, you lose valuable learnings. When you only allow yourself supposedly ‘risk-free’ routes forward (as if there were such things), all kinds of opportunities vanish. And the ultimate cost is that you stay stuck where you are, treading water in the same place.

A different relationship with failure

What if instead you could embrace the mistakes, losses, rejections and failures of the past? What if you could see them clearly, learn from them and even laugh at them?

What if you could make decisions about the future where you’re free to take risks and step outside of your comfort zone? What if you were free to explore the paths you really want to go down?

What if failure was no longer a dark scary monster, limiting you and causing you pain.

“OK, sounds interesting – but how?”

The difference between failing being a painful experience and it being a learning experience is perspective. We have such a strong physical and emotional response to the idea of failing because of the stories we tell ourselves about what failure means.

If you believe that failure is ‘the end of the road’ or ‘evidence I’m no good’, then you are likely to experience pain and inaction.

If, however, you see failure as ‘simply part of the human experience’ or ‘helpful feedback about which path to take next’, then you will be able to move forward with energy and with ease.

It’s more than just ‘thinking differently’

It’s one thing to think it’s a good idea to adopt a new perspective; it’s quite another to actually shift. You want to get to the point where when the possibility of failure presents itself, you are physically and emotionally affected in a different way.

In this workshop, we use a tool called the Perspectives Wheel which we actually map out on the floor in a life-sized version. This way you get to physically and emotionally experience where you are now with your current outlook and then use this tool to arrive at a more empowering perspective. You’ll then be able to recognise with clear sight when something is genuinely a failure, rejection or mistake – and yet not experience pain about it.

The added bonus of using this tool in a group workshop is that you’ll be sharing the journey with others who also feel held back by their fear of failure and together you can support with each other’s blind spots and help generate fresh thinking.

Oh it feels like Spring has come early! There was me, fear of failure dragging me down with a sense of no possibility to change. I could easily have wimped out and not come – driving down from Nottingham in the snow and ice – but I made it and had the chance to reconnect and reconnect to myself. I showed myself that trying repeatedly can be fun. I discovered what it’s like to just do it, not over-think it, and I ended up singing in front of the group. Now THAT surprised me! I’d say to anyone: unlock yourself from the prison of failure. The key is on the inside of you.

- Penny Poyzer, Author/Broadcaster/Green Campaigner : penney.poyzer@gmail.com

A little about why this workshop is important to me…

I was very successful throughout school and university. When it came to the entrepreneurial path, suddenly there were different rules. With no-one telling me what to do, I had to decide on next action steps with no guidelines for which would work and which attempts would crash and burn. My failure muscle was weak and I avoided putting it to the test by procrastinating and choosing ‘safe’ paths that led nowhere interesting. I knew my business could never move forward and I could never achieve those truly great goals if I kept seeing failure as a bad thing.

I decided to create a new perspective for myself – choosing to see failure as an inherent aspect of the entrepreneurial path which I could actually look forward to and relish. With failure no longer a ‘no go’ area, I started taking risks, putting myself out there, taking action and achieving the goals I really wanted.

Here are some of the ways I see fear of failure showing up for my clients:

“What if I launch this business… and I can’t get clients?”

“What if I pitch this idea.. and they reject it?”

“What if I organize this event… and nobody shows up?”

This workshop has been running since June 2008 and has helped dozens of people to get unstuck and move forward. It evolved out of the successes I was witnessing when my one-to-one coaching clients took a different approach to failure and has also been informed by dozens of interviews I have carried out to find out what holds people back from finding and following their passion. I have found that a willingness to fail is one of the key characteristics of a successful person. By risking failure, we open up new opportunities.

Upcoming Public Dates:

Sat 7th August 2010, Paignton, Devon. 10am – 4pm.

£55

Use this ‘Buy Now’ button; this can accept payment via your PayPal account or via a debit or credit card.

Alternatively, click here if you would rather pay by cheque or bank transfer.

Cancellation Policy (Refund/Credit Transfer)

1) With more than four weeks notice = a full refund

2) Between four weeks and 48 hours notice = either (a) transfer of your credit to a future workshop or coaching session, or (b) transfer of your place to another participant

3) There is no refund with less than 48 hours notice, except in extreme circumstances – in which case please let me know.

There are three payment options:

1) Bank transfer (BACS)

2) Cheque

3) PayPal

Click here to reserve your place and select your payment option.

Cancellation Policy (Refund/Credit Transfer)

With more than four weeks notice = a full refund

With less than four weeks notice = either (a) transfer of your credit to a future workshop or coaching session, or (b) transfer of your place to another participant

The workshop is accompanied by a workbook; we use this during the workshop and it also provides you with an effective reminder of the process when you return home. You’ll be sharing the journey with others who are also committed to moving forward; I’m always struck by how quickly participants become a cohesive group and by how generously they support each other.

What I wanted more than anything was to work for myself, but I was really fearful about money and about getting enough freelance work when I left my job. I would often find myself very nervous when speaking in front of people or telling people about my business ideas. My fear was also a big contributor to procrastination, as I knew there were a lot of things I could do to move my business forward but I was fearful about just “doing it” and getting it wrong somehow.

The biggest thing I got from the workshop was about how common fear is for everyone. The other workshop participants were all lovely, and I thought “what have they got to be scared about?”. Maybe they were thinking that about me! It’s made me more compassionate towards myself and to others. In a nutshell, I really got that fear is not a big deal at all.

I took the leap into self-employment. To be honest, I do still procrastinate but I’ve completely chilled out about money. In fact I’ve felt comfortable taking on a bit more debt because I see it as a total investment in my business and myself. I signed up for an intensive six month coaching programme with one of my raw food idols. I’ve also had the courage to stick to my guns and not take on work that doesn’t feel right to me just because I “need the money”. I’ve been looking for opportunities to speak in public, and I’m getting better at telling people what I do for a living.

- Denise Duffield-Thomas, London www.thegreenqueen.co.uk

Fear of failure used to stop me from trying. It was a really big deal and made me feel really unsatisfied with myself. In this workshop, I got to actually practise failing which helped me see the playfulness, the lightness and the possibilities in failing. I was surprised to discover that I enjoy trying – that it’s fun to explore. I’d recommend this workshop if you want to freshen things up and get a boost of energy.

- Julia Paterno, Carpenter and Joiner, Cambridge

Use this ‘Buy Now’ button; this can accept payment via your PayPal account or via a debit or credit card.

Alternatively, click here if you would rather pay by cheque or bank transfer.

This issue was preventing me from making the most of the opportunities I have and from searching out news ones. I didn’t know what to expect from this workshop. I’ve never done anything like this before so I was a little unsure of how it would work and whether I would find it useful. Now I feel really motivated to use everything I’ve learnt today. I have realised that I can set my own goals when it comes to success, not just follow everyone else’s. I would recommend this to a friend – I’d say that it would give them a totally new perspective

- Louise Payn, Full Time Volunteer

Is this workshop exclusively for female entrepreneurs?

Most participants have been self-employed already or about to take that leap e.g. writers, healers, virtual assistants, TV presenters & musicians. We have also had parents, employees and students. To date, there have been more female participants than male but men are certainly very welcome.

I had constant fear of failure. In fact, I nearly didn’t come because of lack of confidence.

I was surprised at how close the group became, and how much support there was. We were all in the same boat and so I wasn’t worried that others were judging me. I’m less afraid of failure now.

- Katie Cheung, Student, London

Want this workshop to run again nearer you?

This workshop has taken place previously in Cambridge and London and is now being brought to Paignton, Devon.

Would you like to host this workshop in another location? In return for finding a venue and promoting locally, you can attend the workshop for free or receive a cash thank you. Contact me if you are interested in this.

Any further questions, please do contact me.

Also available: one-hour version for schools and conferences. Click here for more information.